IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that because we can now watch films on our phones, there is no reason to go to the cinema. Others say that films should be seen in a cinema in order to be fully enjoyed. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The ubiquity of
cinemas
Use synonyms
 has been making money and entertaining
people
Use synonyms
 for decades. A good deal of
people
Use synonyms
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
 that cell
phones
Use synonyms
 are good enough to watch films
over
Change preposition
at
show examples
Use synonyms
cinemas
Check wording
home
show examples
while
Linking Words
 others think
cinemas
Use synonyms
 provide more enthusiasm. Both views have their own scenarios
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as advancement in technology and
people
Use synonyms
 being financially stable.
First
Use synonyms
 of all, mobile
phones
Use synonyms
, which are now getting developed with
sizes
Correct word choice
larger sizes
show examples
 and
screens
Punctuation problem
screens,
show examples
 in order to enjoy a
movie
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 sitting in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 corner of
a
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 home.
For example
Linking Words
, in the past, humans
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 to
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 basic number keyboard-based
phones
Use synonyms
 which
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 be used for only calls. Nowadays,
high displayed
Replace the word
high-resolution
show examples
 screens do not make any difference in film and sound quality
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it is best suitable for stay-at-home
people
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, now most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can afford touch screen
phones
Use synonyms
 that are even expensive because of the
phone
Use synonyms
 companies.
For example
Linking Words
, from
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
 to
elder
Correct article usage
the elder
show examples
 generation, all family members own
phones
Use synonyms
 today as
phone
Use synonyms
 companies now offer the
phone
Use synonyms
 on monthly instalments
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 attracted many
people
Use synonyms
. It
also
Linking Words
 makes the public
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
have an entertainment source in their hands for 24 hours
instead
Linking Words
 of spending money occasionally on picture tickets.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, theatres are the one who provides
accurate
Correct article usage
an accurate
show examples
 motion picture surrounding.
For instance
Linking Words
,
cinemas
Use synonyms
 have
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 own sound system and giant screen which creates an aura of perfect entertainment.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is a fun activity and gives
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 comfortable sitting facility and environment,
while
Linking Words
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching a
movie
Use synonyms
 at
home
Punctuation problem
home,
show examples
 a person might get
disturbance
Replace the word
disturbed
show examples
. Apart from it, no one can watch the latest film on
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 as
cinemas
Use synonyms
 are the
first
Use synonyms
 where movies get released. To give an example,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to spend money on theatres in order to see their favourite actors’
movies’
Check wording
movies
show examples
first
Use synonyms
 show and which
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 them satisfaction.
Thus
Linking Words
, it takes more than six months for superhit movies to get viral on the
phone
Use synonyms
 apps in high
displayed
Replace the word
display
show examples
 print
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 fans are not able to wait that long. In conclusion, as per my opinion,it all depends on
person’s
Correct article usage
a person’s
show examples
 choice if they are fond of
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 out for a
movie
Use synonyms
 or like to stay at home,
otherwise
Linking Words
 I think it is more fun to go for the
first
Use synonyms
 show of any
movie
Use synonyms
 in the cinema

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan your essay with a clear intro, two body parts for both sides, and a short ending. Start with a general idea and then state your view clearly.
content
Give one clear example for each point. Use simple facts or experiences to back up your view.
grammar
Check grammar and word use. Use short and simple sentences. Prefer common words from basic English.
task
The essay shows the effort to discuss both sides and give an opinion.
content
There are some clear examples about price and film release.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: