IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many countries have the same shops and products. Some consider it a positive development, whereas others consider it negative. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #shops #products #consider #development
These days, communications are getting better so that, we can see not only the brand products but
also
 some special handicrafts in several countries, yet some
people
 believe that happened is not good, but other
people
 have different thinks.
However
, I have the same opinion as the first group, for if the countries just sales own
goods
,
then
 the sales are reduced, and other
people
 cannot access every product. On the one hand, if the products are supplied in the world,
then
 have some benefits.
Firstly
,
this
 good becomes global, so the sales and profits for companies or generators will increase.
Secondly
, the job positions are opening.
Thereafter
, the economic level of society rose.
Thirdly
, we have completion with produce, so the quality of
goods
 is growing , and costs declined.
For instance
, we need a phone that has good options at a low price now we can buy cellphones from various brands
such
 as Samsung, Apple, and LG.
Therefore
, we must check their phone and buy the best phone.
On the other hand
,
this
 has some demerits when the other regions have
goods
 like us. In these
waysway
Correct your spelling
ways
, the tourist industry has a bad position and falling because
people
 can find the things that need in their districts.
Hence
, native income decreased.
For example
, you need Iranian handicrafts, but you live in Canada. In
this
 position buy your
goods
, yet you don’t travel to Iran so you do not pay for Hotel, flight, and other things. In conclusion,
although
 the products in other countries are not good for inhabitants, it is good for most clients.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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grammar
Pay more attention to your grammar and sentence structure to improve clarity. For example, 'but other people have different thinks' should be 'but other people have different opinions'.
structure
Work on ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea that is supported by specific examples or evidence. This will make your argument stronger and more coherent.
detail
Try to develop the counterarguments more fully. The essay touches on detriments but does not elaborate on them sufficiently.
content
The essay clearly identifies two sides of the argument and presents a personal opinion, which is good practice for task response.
example
You include some relevant examples, such as mentioning Samsung, Apple, and LG, which illustrates understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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