IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

As countries develop, their populations tend to live individually or in small family units. What are the causes of this trend and what are the effects on society ?

#countries #populations #units #trend #effects #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In many countries, we were able to see families living together as a one unit. We could see many brothers and sisters along with their pairs and children live under one roof. As population increases there occured a depletion in
this
Linking Words
 oneness. As per my opinion, the greed for more money and inflexibility to live as a joint family in the reason behind
this
Linking Words
. Some people feel that living in a large family is very painful. Though we have many persons in the family to share our expenses and grief, only few of the family were earning in the olden days.
For example
Linking Words
, in a country
such
Linking Words
 as India, we could see a gradual disappearance of joint families after 70s, poverty and unemployment is the main reason attributed to
this
Linking Words
 collapse in value of the Indian family
system
Use synonyms
. Due to poverty many felt hard to feed their offsprings.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, there was many kids in the family but very few earned bread and butter for them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, persons who earns for their family stared to move out of the joint family
system
Use synonyms
 to ensure a sustained growth.
Although
Linking Words
, they helped their brothers and sisters financially whenever possible they tend to be seperate to save more and cook better foods for their children. As days passes, they find many flaws in the joint family: more household works to do for ladies and more expenses for working men are few
such
Linking Words
 reasons.
This
Linking Words
 lead to decrease in happiness of the people and increase financial stress in each family.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the indian value
system
Use synonyms
 is completely collapsed and crime rates started increasing because of the big unemployment and inability of nuclear family's parents to look after their adolocent childs. To conclude my arguments based on the above facts, the world need back the joint family
system
Use synonyms
 and each government should allot some subsidy to encourage them and to increase the happiness and values of the world.
Submitted by ajay92jj on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • migration
  • limited living space
  • economic independence
  • nuclear families
  • social norms
  • isolation
  • mental health issues
  • real estate market
  • housing shortages
  • social care
  • extended family networks
  • public provision
What to do next:
Look at other essays: