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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some think spending a lot on birthday celebration and weddings is a waste of money. Others think that it is important for young people and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 start to think about
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
 carefully, and the main debates are around weddings and birthday parties. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that spending money on them is nonsense, but others say that it is essential for the young generation. From my point of view, I think that kind of
occasions
Fix the agreement mistake
occasion
show examples
 should
celebrate
Wrong verb form
be celebrated
show examples
 brightly because they play a big role in our life. The main reason for
people
Use synonyms
 thinking
like
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 it is a waste of capital is that we can give them to
people
Use synonyms
 who really need it.
For example
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of a party for 200
people
Use synonyms
,famous blogger Kamilla bought toys and equipment for a nursing home.
Moreover
Linking Words
,huge birthdays and weddings can
cause
Verb problem
put
show examples
 pressure
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 families who have limited
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
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, and because of that,they could borrow a lot of
check
Fix the agreement mistake
checks
show examples
 from friends or even take credits from banks. Other
people
Use synonyms
 say that it is better to invest or save cash for the future. First of all, it is one of the most important days in human life, and we want to share our happiness with our relatives and friends,
also
Linking Words
 we want to remember that day till the end of our lives. The second reason is that we have the right to choose how much cash we spend on it, sometimes it needs a lot but in other cases less.
For example
Linking Words
, my parents spent only a two-month salary on my
dads'
Change noun form
dad's
show examples
 jubilee. In conclusion, we all have rights on how to use our money, but I believe sometimes we can do big parties

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and support it throughout the essay.
coherence
Use linking words to connect your ideas better, like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'in conclusion'.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to support your points and show why your view is important.
task achievement
You have addressed both views in the essay, showing you understand the topic well.
task achievement
Your examples from real life help to illustrate your points effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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