IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by the humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

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Over the past half-century, the population of the world has exploded.
Due to
Linking Words
this
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 mankind have to face multiple issues in their current state. I completely agree with the former argument and I will discuss the drawbacks in the latter view with
suitable
Correct article usage
a suitable
show examples
 example. The most significant problem is poverty in each and every corner of the world.
This
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 might result in the depletion of educational resources for our upcoming generation. The reason behind
this
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 was mismanagement by government authorities which
leads
Wrong verb form
led
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 to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of sensibility for childbirth in the communities.
For example
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,in the suburbs of India,there are many villages where people are unaware of family planning and the causes of female pregnancy.
Moreover
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, there was
Correct article usage
a
show examples
might in some parts of India that the more you have kids the more income they will earn in future.
Furthermore
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, there is a lot of research done by a
united
Capitalize word
United
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 nation which shows
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 fertility rate in an underdeveloped nation.
Therefore
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, it creates an enormous amount of unemployment and
also
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 depletes our natural resources.
This
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 happens because poor people do not have awareness regarding contraceptive use and
due to
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this
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 they transfer the same idealogy
in
Change preposition
to
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 their juveniles.
For instance
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,there are many African countries where native people still do not know the usage of condoms and how it helps to prevent childbirth. In conclusion, I feel that continuous growth in population is a pivotal problem the world is facing right now and it can only be fixed by government authorities by creating some laws for childbirth so that we can not
save
Rephrase
only save
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 humanity but
also
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 fix our environmental problems for our children bright and safe future.

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task achievement
Expand your introduction to include a stronger thesis statement that clearly outlines the main points you'll cover in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence to improve the flow of ideas and maintain logical progression.
task achievement
Provide more varied examples and context for the points you make. This would enhance the overall quality and depth of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Minor grammatical errors such as missing articles ('the' before examples) and incorrect phrasings should be corrected for a more polished presentation.
task achievement
You have successfully identified significant issues related to population growth, such as poverty and unemployment.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
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