IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
Few people think that
music
 can be a constructive way to unite people from culture and age groups. It can have an extensive connection of people who are deeply rooted
to
Verify preposition usage
in
show examples
 their culture regardless of their age to stand as one. In my opinion, it is the best way to make a person emotionally connected with others as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
human.
To begin
 with, I would mention that
music
 has been into the cultures since ages.
A folk
Remove the article
Folk music
A piece of folk music
show examples
music
 reminds of someone who
belong
Change the verb form
belongs
show examples
 to a place and where he/she grew up. It gives them a sense of pride for their
mother land
Correct your spelling
motherland
show examples
.
For instance
, a Rajasthani folk
music
 reminds one who
belong
Change the verb form
belongs
show examples
 to the native place and takes them on a nostalgic ride.
Additionally
, the
bollywood
Change the capitalization
Bollywood
show examples
music
 of
70's
Fix apostrophe usage
'70s
show examples
 can remind people of that time and take them back to memories when they used to enjoy
this
 song.
Moreover
, if the lyrics are written well
then
 the
music
 composition leaves an impression in people's heart and touch their soul.
For instance
,
a very famous
Remove the article
very famous music
a piece of very famous music
show examples
music
 made on friendship unites all the people who have friends to support them always. In a nutshell,
a great
Remove the article
great music
a piece of great music
show examples
music
 has always been a great tool to bring together people
from
Verify preposition usage
of
show examples
 all ages and ethnic groups. I strongly agree that a
profoud
Correct your spelling
profound
 sense of oneness is experienced when
a good
Remove the article
good music
a piece of good music
show examples
music
 is played.
Submitted by shubhamkaushik1711 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: