Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion and examples. Write at least 250 words.

A certain section of people

believe

Change the verb form

believes

show examples

that joy is directly related to our financial standing, whereas others feel that happiness does not rely on the amount of

money

we possess.

This

essay agrees with the fact

money

is the key to joy because it can help

peope

Correct your spelling

people

fulfill

Change the spelling

fulfil

show examples

their materialistic goals and

presnt

Correct your spelling

present

them an opportunity to contribute to society by helping the poor. Basic needs

such

as food, shelter and clothing require finances without which accessibility to them will not be possible.

Moreover

, surplus income helps people

fulfill

Change the spelling

fulfil

show examples

their material dreams of buying

ameneties

Correct your spelling

amenities

that they long for.

As a result

this

leads to personal satisfaction and happiness which cannot happen if a

person

is struggling to make both ends meet.

For instance

, the

abundence

Correct your spelling

abundance

money

gives a

person

the power to

puurchase

Correct your spelling

purchase

their favourite car, house or travel abroad that leads to a happy state of mind.

Secondly

, being economically sound

also

gives us an opportunity to help the needy and poor, which cannot happen if a

person

does not have enough funds. Giving back to

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

society

also

creates a feeling of

contenment

Correct your spelling

contentment

and pleasure for a human being. Social work

such

as starting a charity and offering financial aid to weaker sections in society needs funding which can only be viable if a

person

is wealthy. To illustrate, charity organizations set up by business tycoons

such

as Ratan Tata, Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg are live examples of social service. In conclusion, if people do not have sufficient

money

then

they will not be in a

postion

Correct your spelling

position

to afford material desires or even get a chance to help the poor that are in need.

Further

this

, they

wuill

Correct your spelling

will

always be dissatisfied and unhappy.

Hence

, achieving happiness will only be a long drawn dream.

Submitted by dipalisklc on Sun Jan 03 2021

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

299 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion and examples. Write at least 250 words.

Your opinion

The most important aim of science should be improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

It has been suggested that cars and public transport should be banned from city centers and only bicycles be allowed insted. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. A friend of yours is thinking about applying for the same course that you did at university. He/She has asked for your advice about studying this subject. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter

Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason to doing this? is this a negative or positive development?