IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In Many Countries, Paying For Things Using Mobile Phones Is Becoming Increasingly Common

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no doubt that paying the bills using mobile phones has been dramatically increased, recently. While some people believe that using the cell phone as an electronic wallet has many benefits, Others argue that nothing comes without a price. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain my support to the latter view with examples.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, paying for shopping and bills online with
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
 has many drawbacks. One of the drawbacks is that paying for things online exposes someone’s personal information for untrusted cell phones applications.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to
cyber crimes
Correct your spelling
cybercrimes
show examples
 where hackers hold
i
Add an article
an
show examples
ndividual’s information for ransom. Another drawback is that many of the elderly find it difficult to deal with the technology.
Thus
Linking Words
, converting all paying methods to be with
e
Add an article
the
show examples
lectronic wallet will make their lives less pleasant.
For example
Linking Words
, a study has been made by the Egyptian Pension Institution stated that 70% of senior people ask for help when they use the ATM machines.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are many benefits to be considered for paying for things using the internet. One of the benefits is that paying for things online saves time.
This
Linking Words
 is because people now can pay for bills
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 things that
costs
Change the verb form
cost
show examples
 a lot of money directly from their bank accounts without the need to visit overcrowded banks. Another benefit is that paying for things using
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
 is more secured. Despite the
dangerous
Replace the word
dangers
show examples
 of the online transaction, using mobiles reduces that risk of people being pickpocketing.
For instance
Linking Words
,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research by the Egyptian Ministry of Internal Defense stated that petty crimes
such
Linking Words
 as pickpocketing
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 dramatically reduced by 60% after encouraging paying with
s
Add an article
the
a
show examples
mart wallet. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
, paying for things using mobile phones has security concerns, I believe that it is more time saving, and reduce the risk of some crimes.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: