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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people spend a large amount of money on celebrating birthdays and weddings. Discuss the views of this trend.

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Millions of
dollars
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 are spent on birthdays and weddings each year. Certain
people
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 choose to spend
years
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 of savings, thousands of
dollars
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, on a single celebration
such
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 as a marriage or birthday ceremony, and
this
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 decision has a significant impact on their lives.
Therefore
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, some individuals believe that spending much money on wedding and day of birth celebrations is wasteful because it could be invested better
elsewhere
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, but others support
this
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 practice as commemorating
such
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 important
events
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strengthen
Correct subject-verb agreement
strengthens
show examples
 families' bonds and
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
people
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's achievements. For long-term benefits, it is arguably more advantageous to spend large sums of money on education and business than on a single-day ceremony
such
Linking Words
 as a wedding.
Although
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 it is true that many
people
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 have a day filled with fun at a 50-thousand-dollar luxurious wedding, the couples being celebrated can have
years
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 of luxurious life if that money is spent on post-graduate tuition fees or establishing biz.
For instance
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, rather than spending tens of thousands of
dollars
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 on a destination wedding to Hawaii, with lobster for the main course, the parents could wisely choose to purchase a Starbucks Coffee shop for the couple as a wedding gift which could bring them
years
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 of passive income.
This
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 is definitely one perspective on the trend of overpriced weddings and birthdays. Expensive marriage and birthday festivities provide unique opportunities for extended families, colleagues, and friends to gather and build mutual respect and collaboration.
In addition
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, these
events
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also
Linking Words
 emphasize the importance of the individuals being celebrated, thereby motivating them to build families and achieve a level of success that can continue
such
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 luxuries in the future. At weddings and birthdays,
people
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 can network and form relationships that lead to business ventures and forthcoming relationships.
Furthermore
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, the individuals
also
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 desire to repeat the same for their children twenty
years
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 down the road.
For example
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, at a destination wedding in Hawaii, during the lobster dinner, the couple may get into a conversation with their uncle and decide to open a restaurant together in the future. Meanwhile, their cousin can meet their future husband at the same event.
Thus
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, these
events
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 can be a very productive or good investment. In conclusion, certain
people
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 ascertain that expensive birthday and wedding celebrations are an unwise use of funds
while
Linking Words
 others feel it is a great investment. Certainly, thousands of
dollars
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 can be put towards long-term goals,
however
Linking Words
, it can
also
Linking Words
 be spent fruitfully on a single day's event.
Often times
Correct your spelling
Oftentimes
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, not only do
people
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's most memorable
events
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 originate from a wedding celebration, but
also
Linking Words
their
Change preposition
from their
show examples
 lifelong business partner or spouse.

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task response
You have provided a well-structured essay that flows logically and cohesively from start to finish. Your introduction and conclusion are clear and present, effectively framing the discussion. Your main points are well supported with relevant examples. However, ensure that your ideas directly address the prompt and fully explore the views of the trend. Additionally, carefully review your examples to ensure they are directly related to the points being made, providing specific and relevant support.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion throughout. The logical structure is well maintained, and the essay is effectively organized with clear progression of ideas. You have provided a well-structured introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the discussion. Additionally, your main points are well supported and linked, contributing to a cohesive and coherent overall argument. To further enhance coherence, ensure that each paragraph is tightly focused on its main idea and that there is clear progression within and between paragraphs.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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