IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts below show local government expenditure in 2000 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show local government expenditure in 2000 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #government #expenditure #information #features #comparisons
This
 pie chart provides information comparing local
government
 spending in Education, Healthcare, Pensions, Defence, Welfare, Interest on borrowing, Transport, Culture and leisure and others in 2000 and 2010.
Overall
, what stands out from the pie chart in 2000 and 2010 is that
government
 the expenditure on Education takes up nearly a quarter of both pie charts in 2000 and 2010.
Furthermore
, it is interesting to note that there was more
money
 spent on Defence in 2000 than in 2010.
To begin
 with, if we look at that Education in 2000 and 2010, which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
at 24% and 21% in turn.The
next
 the most spend
money
 in Healthcare in 2000 and 2010, which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
21% and 20% in turn.
Also
, it is striking to see that the
money
 spent on Pensions in 2000 the
money
 spent in 2010, at 19% .
In addition
, In 2000, the local
government
 spent 17%
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Defence, it's costed 3% more than
2010
Change preposition
in 2010
show examples
,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
14%
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
 .
However
, in 2010, the local
government
 spend more
money
 on Welfare than in 2000. which is increased 5%, from 8% to 13%.
Also
,Interest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 borrowing
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as Welfare, for 2000 and 2010, rose 5% from 5% to 10% in turn.The least spent
money
 in Transport, culture and leisure, other in 2000, at 3%,2%,1% in turn, in 2010, which is all the same per cent, with 1%.
Submitted by gjoan0203 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words government, money with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 4 times.
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