Subjects like arts, music and drama are more important than other school subjects and therefore should be given more time in the calendar. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people consider that academic studies are of utmost importance

while

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others align with the thought that subjects like arts, music and drama play a major role in the development of an individual. I agree with the latter fact because extra-curricular activities are now a good

career

Use synonyms

option and to a certain extent help one in discovering self and improving mindset. On the first hand, dance, acting and artwork activities make up a good

career

Use synonyms

option.

For instance

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, a student who is not academically sound might be best in painting.

Although

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she might not be able to do well in school exams but might be exceptional with her painting skills.

Therefore

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, at a later stage, she might pursue her

career

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as a painter, wherein she may exhibit her artwork in famous art galleries.

As a result

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while

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being an engineer might not be a feasible

career

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, using her imagination to illustrate something beautifully on a canvas might make her successful in future.

Additionally

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, to a certain extent ,these interests help in self-discovery.

In other words

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, engagement in streams like dance or drama brings out the hidden talent in an individual.

For example

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, dancing on certain forms of music tunes involves focus and concentration, which ultimately helps to develop a healthy mindset. There are different sounds and rhythms, which have a calming and soothing effect on individuals.

Consequently

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, introspecting helps them to become less hyper and tone down their aggressive nature.

To conclude

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while

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school curriculum might benefit specific students, engaging in extracurricular passion projects might be a better professional choice for certain individuals and

also

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, help in developing a better mindset. I believe, the focus should be given to these skills as they help in the holistic development of a person.

moonis.ahmedFri Jan 08 2021

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coherence and cohesion

Try to connect your ideas more clearly with linking words and phrases.

coherence and cohesion

Make sure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and clearly supports your overall argument.

task achievement

Include a few more specific examples to support your points, making your argument stronger.

task achievement

Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which is good.

task achievement

You provided good examples to illustrate your points about arts and self-discovery.

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

290 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

critical thinking
creativity
cultural awareness
emotional well-being
social skills
globalized world
balanced curriculum
STEM skills
foundational
career paths
problem-solving
diverse backgrounds
mental health
economic trends
participation
creative outlet

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Subjects like arts, music and drama are more important than other school subjects and therefore should be given more time in the calendar. Do you agree or disagree?

Some children spend every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development.

Wealthy countaries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance such as food and housing. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?