Some people think that the (government should provide (assistance) to (all kinds of artists) including painters, musicians, and poets. However, other people think that (this is a waste of money). Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A highly controversial issue relates
whether
Change preposition
to whether
show examples
the state should offer support to artists in general or if
this
measure is only a matter of wasting people's money. In
this
essay, I will examine both points of view and explain why I believe that the arguments against
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
assistance are stronger. It is commonly believed that artist should receive some extra money from
governs
Replace the word
the government
show examples
in order
o
Change preposition
to
show examples
entice them to
keed
Correct your spelling
keep
show examples
their jobs
considerable
Change the word
considerably
show examples
outweighs its disadvantages. The main reason for believing
this
is that
arts
, in general, are important for
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
entertainment, which involves music, painting or acting;
therefore
, artists are considered to be the tools that make
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
. It is
also
possible to say that
this
enterprise
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
forward to evaluate society. A good example here
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
the songs played by important musicians
along
Change preposition
over
show examples
the years
such
as Beethoven,
Mozart
Correct word choice
and Mozart
show examples
to name but a few that
represents
Correct subject-verb agreement
represent
show examples
an important historical context in each period of society.
On the other hand
, others believe that
arts
should not have
finance
Replace the word
financial
show examples
support from the government, which means that there are other important measures that call for an emergency. It is often argued that issues related to safety, education and health, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
encountered in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most part of cities, are
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
way more important than
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
. A second point is that individuals can perfectly live without
resort
Wrong verb form
resorting
show examples
to
arts
while
no one can live without health. A particularly good example here is in Brazil, where millions of reais are spent every year by the government with carnival an important local festival,
however
, its rates of lower education call for more investment. In conclusion, both arguments have their merits. On balance,
however
, I feel that
arts
should not count on public money at all.
This
is because there are other important issues to be solved that governments can not rule out
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
any circumstance
such
as health and safety.
Submitted by Marcel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence
Clarify your ideas and organize them logically. Develop each point more fully, ensuring a progression of ideas throughout.
Task Response
Make sure your points are sufficiently developed and supported by relevant examples. Address the task comprehensively.
Coherence
Work on the clarity and grammatical structure of your sentences. This will improve the reader's understanding and your overall coherence.
Task Achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the task, expanding on each point equally.
Introduction & Conclusion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives the essay good framing.
Balanced Argument
Your essay considers both sides of the argument, showing an awareness of multiple perspectives on the issue.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: