Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

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Some

children

and teenagers use their

phones

every day.

This

is because there are lots of functions of these gadgets;

however

, I do not agree with

this

statement

due to

health problems after using telephones for hours. Nowadays, millions of

children

have their

phones

at an early age and they use them for different aims. As I mentioned, there are lots of functions of smartphones like maps, cameras, studies,

games

, social media, chatting, etc. Of course, some

children

use their

phones

to improve their knowledge about

this

world. But, there are

also

kids that spend their time just playing video

games

and watching videos.

By contrast

, there is one fact that these uses of

phones

are interesting for all

children

and teenagers. They can spend their time for lots of reasons, but all of these reasons are interesting for users.

For example

, my brother spends about 3 hours using his phone every day, but he uses it for studying and video

games

. So he is interested in these functions of smartphones.

However

, even

using

Correct word choice

though using

show examples

these gadgets is so interesting, I cannot agree

due to

the health issues of people. First of all, smartphones are harmful

for

Change the preposition

show examples

our eyes with their ultraviolet lights, and in the end, we will need to wear glasses for better visibility even at an early age.

According to

scientists, about 45% of

children

in our world wear glasses because of

phones

. Even my brother

that

Correct word choice

whom

show examples

I mentioned started to wear glasses when he was just 6 years old. In conclusion, it is interesting to play video

games

, watch some videos, or even study by phone;

however

, I disagree with it because it is

also

harmful

for

Change the preposition

show examples

our health.

Submitted by bizhanalikhan6 on Thu Sep 05 2024

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task response

To improve your task response, ensure that the essay fully addresses the prompt by providing more detailed rationale for both parts of the question. Elaborate more on why children spend hours on smartphones and provide a more balanced view on whether this is positive or negative.

coherence cohesion

Structure your arguments more clearly. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main point and that these points are logically connected throughout the essay. Using linking words and phrases more consistently will also help your essay flow better.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.

task response

You provided relevant examples to support your points, which helps in making your argument more concrete.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

282 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Some people think that the range of technology currently available is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people. Others think that it is causing the opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your opinion.