IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers. Therefore, physical education and sport should be compulsory for all students in all schools. What do you think?

#exercise #children #teenagers #education #sport #students #schools
Several learning
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 don't include sports in their
cirrculum
Correct your spelling
curriculum
. Considering the benefits of physical activity, I strongly believe that
this
 subject has to be made mandatory in schools for students of all grades. In
this
 essay, I will emphasize
on
Verify preposition usage
apply
show examples
the advantages that support my argument. WHO says "90% of the obese
people
 are lazy and move very little". Physical training helps young
people
 in building the right fitness level.
In other words
, any form of
acitivies
Correct your spelling
activities
such
 as aerobics, karate and games are
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 for our body to maintain good
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 and shape.
For example
,
people
 who play cricket in colleges are more active and fit compared to others who restrict themselves to classrooms. If educational
insitutions
Correct your spelling
institutions
 don't encourage sports, children will
adopt
Correct your spelling
adapt
show examples
to
Verify preposition usage
apply
show examples
a sedentary lifestyle at an early age.
In addition
, exercises improve overall
cardio vascular
Correct your spelling
cardiovascular
show examples
 strength. It is widely believed that
people
 from defence forces are highly disciplined compared to others.
This
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they undergo rigorous training which keeps them active and
cultivate
Change the verb form
cultivates
show examples
 good manners.
Similarly
, kids can develop discipline when they are made to participate in physical activities.
For instance
, army men are made to wake up daily at 5 a.m. for workouts. Due to
this
, they find adequate time for other productive works. In conclusion, sports should have an equal priority along with the
others
Replace the word
other
show examples
 subjects that are taught in schools and colleges. Certainly,
such
 practices contribute to the overall development of
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
young leaners.
Submitted by srivupputuri on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical health
  • mental health
  • compulsory
  • instill
  • regular exercise
  • participation
  • teamwork
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • academic studies
  • concentration
  • focus
  • childhood obesity
  • motor skills
  • coordination
What to do next:
Look at other essays: