IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Today,more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult,such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic.What are the benefits and disadvantages for people who visit such places?

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These days, the number of visitors who have vacationed in an area where the situation is challenging has increased.
This
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 kind of holiday is enjoyable for many people.
However
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, it could cause health and environmental problems. One thing to consider is that destinations with complex conditions,
such
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 as the Sahara and Antarctic, will give tourists unique ecosystems to explore. Seeing living things adapt to unpleasant habitats is an unforgettable memory and provides more knowledge to learn.
For example
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, people will only find Emperor Penguins when they come to the Antarctic and will not find them in other places.
In addition
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, spending holidays in uncommon places will help locals get revenue from the visitors because they can build a hostel, sell souvenirs, and do other jobs. It seems clear that visiting
this
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 point brings some advantages for both the travellers and the society in
this
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 zone.
On the other hand
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, coming to a new, unknown place means knowing nothing about that place's conditions, which can cause health problems.
For instance
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, many travellers were infected with Sandfly Fever and Ebola when they visited the Sahara Desert in 2010, driven by endemic mosquitoes living there. Other problems that will happen are environmental degradation
due to
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 tourist activities,
such
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 as littering and harming the wildlife habitat.
As a result
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,
this
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 kind of holiday will cost more for energy and environmental treatment. In conclusion, spending holidays in an eccentric location will give people new experiences and impact the local economy. At the same time, it
also
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 has the potential to cause
further
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 energy and environmental issues. So, before coming to a new place, tourists should consider what is best for their pleasure and safety.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with identifiable introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, which is good, but you can enhance this by using a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to better link ideas and paragraphs together. This will improve the flow and coherence of your writing.
task achievement
You successfully addressed the task by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of visiting challenging places, but you can improve by deepening your analysis and discussion of each point. Aim to develop your ideas further with more detailed examples and explanations, rather than merely listing the benefits and disadvantages.
task achievement
For a more comprehensive response, consider covering a wider range of perspectives. You could, for instance, touch upon the cultural impacts of tourism in challenging environments, both positive (e.g., cultural exchange, preservation efforts) and negative (e.g., cultural erosion). Expanding your scope will make your essay more thorough and nuanced.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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