IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People attend colleges or universities for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge etc.). Why do you think people attend colleges or universities?

#people #colleges #universities #experiences #career #preparation
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Most
people
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 choose to
study
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in
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at
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 university because they want to get a decent job. Of course,
people
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 should
study
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 what interest them.
However
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, it is difficult for everyone to achieve their dream, as reality can be cruel.
Therefore
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, the government must keep improving the education system so that young
people
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 can pursue what they love. It is often said that the purpose of education is for young
people
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 to cultivate their talents. If a person has a gift for the piano, he should be allowed to pursue a degree in
music
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. Majoring in
music
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 can give
this
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 young man a chance to not only learn from great professors
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 establish a solid foundation for his
music
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.
However
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, not all pianists can play the piano for a living. If his country is still struggling financially, there will be very few chances for him to perform in a concert, or to work as a pianist in a company. It is not uncommon that, even if a young child shows a talent in
music
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 or art, his parents will force him to
study
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 engineering or medicine. In many countries,
such
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 as Taiwan, white-collar jobs have become the norm. These jobs require at least an undergraduate degree, making a university degree almost necessary for survival. I,
for instance
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, love literature. When I was choosing my future
study
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,
however
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, my parents strongly disagreed with my decision to
study
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 literature. They believed that reading novels and poetry is never going to help me buy a house or even have a life. I was
therefore
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 compelled to choose a major in finance. But when I was in my freshman year, I found that the school was cooperating with the government to help students from all majors to find jobs. Literature, I realized, can have different possibilities. So, I transferred myself in the
second
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 year. Now I am still working hard to prepare myself for the future, but I can do what I love. The future of the countries relies on these young
people
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. If they only attend universities because, just it is the norm in
the
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society, but without other reasons, everyone will be just like a robot to work for a living.
Therefore
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, the government should put more effort
on
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into
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 education to inspire young
people
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’s talent and lead them
to
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in
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 the right direction of life.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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