Your company has recently introduced a new work uniform. You are mostly happy with the uniform, but there is one thing that you do not like. Write a letter to your manager. In the letter say what you like about the uniform explain what you don’t you like about the uniform suggest how the uniform can be improved
Dear Sir,
I am writing
this
letter to thank you for introducing the brand new uniform to all the employees of our company. I really appreciate your idea of maintaining a dress code in our organisation to make all the people look uniform. Consequently
, it has become easier to identify the people according to
their ranks in the enterprise.
Well, everything seems to be quite pleasant except, for the red coloured bow included in the uniform for all the department supervisors. It does not match the dress and all the individuals are quite upset with this
, as it is usually worn by the waiters at the parties.
Therefore
, I want to request you to make an amendment to this
. Likewise
, a black coloured tie with a black coat could be a better choice. I would be obliged if you accept this
proposal.
I will be waiting for your response.
Yours sincerely,
Abcd.Submitted by ss6802125 on
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coherence cohesion
While your opening paragraph effectively states your main purpose for writing, the development of specific points can be improved. Aim for clear, distinct paragraphing when moving from positive to negative aspects and when detailing your suggestions.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your letter could benefit from varying the sentence structure and enhancing the logical linking of ideas between sentences and paragraphs, thus improving the overall cohesiveness of the text.
task achievement
Your letter satisfactorily covers the task requirements. However, to enhance your score, provide more detail and development concerning each point you are discussing. Expand on why you like the uniform, describe more specifically what aspect of the bow is displeasing, and explain why your suggestion would be better. This would lead to greater task completion.
task achievement
The writing tone is appropriate but can be enhanced to sound more polite and formal. Phrases like 'I want to request you to make an amendment to this' could be rephrased for politeness and clarity, e.g., 'May I suggest considering...'