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Band 4

People attend colleges or universities for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge etc.). Why do you think people attend colleges or universities?

#people #colleges #universities #experiences #career #preparation
In a society where the career structure has been changed, it is common to see
people
 studying until at least the undergraduate level to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the prevalent job requirement. Different career needs different fields of
knowledge
.
However
, in order to make every student able to attend
university
 or college, the
universities
 and colleges have been over- established, and the quality of teaching is getting worse.
Therefore
, the government should limit the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
universities
 and colleges. In many countries,
students
 learn the basic
knowledge
 until high school
;,
Change the punctuation
;
,
show examples
 when they
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
into
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in
show examples
 higher educational institutions, they can acquire
further
 specific fields of professional
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 to prepare for their career. In Taiwan, before we attend a
university
, we have to take an exam which tests us on all basic
knowledge
,
such
 as literature, mathematics, English, social sciences and natural sciences. We choose
universities
 according to are chosen from
universities
 by our exam results.
However
, not everyone is good in all kind of
knowledge
, and everyone has their own talent. So it can be seen that many
students
 are
unnot
Correct your spelling
in not
 able to enrol the major of the
university
whichin
Correct your spelling
which
 what they want to
study
, just because they fail in some
subjectse
Correct your spelling
subjects
 some subjects fail. It is common to see
students
 studying a major or attend a
university
 in which they are not really interested in. Following the worldwide development,
white collar
Add a hyphen
white-collar
show examples
 workers are more than
blue collar
Add a hyphen
blue-collar
show examples
 workers, so
people
 need higher educational degrees in order to gain
a better jobs
Correct the article-noun agreement
a better job
better jobs
show examples
.
However
, it
also
 can be seen that many
students
 work for the job which is different from what they learn
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it is still believed that
people
 can get the better social status via owning an undergraduate degree or even a postgraduate degree. Studying in
universities
 and colleges is not because they really want to
study
further
 specific knowledgeThey
study
 not because they want to, but
becauseonly
Correct your spelling
because only
 they need at least an undergraduate degrees to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the basic requirement to find a job.
Therefore
, the government must take actions to help these young
people
 who are confused about why they must
study
 until
university
 and make
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 better education system to improve
this
 circumstance. The future of the countries relies on these young
people
. If they only attend
universities
 because, just it is the norm in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society, but without other reasons, everyone will be just like a robot to work for a living.
Therefore
, the government should put more effort
on
Verify preposition usage
into
show examples
 education to inspire young
people
’s talent and lead them
to
Verify preposition usage
in
show examples
 the right direction of life.
Submitted by Christy's Kitchen on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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