Nowadays famous people are photographed by professional photographers everywhere they go. Some people say this is a good thing because the public are interested in their lives. Other people think that photographers are wrong to follow famous people. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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There is no denying the fact that personal time is important to disconnect from working life .

While

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it is commonly held belief that hanging out with co-workers during lunch break and

at the end

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of the weekend is a good idea, there is

also

Linking Words

an argument that personal life shouldn’t be mixed with career life.

This

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essay will analyse

this

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topic from both points of view .I believe that finding time to socialize with colleagues will generate a healthy working environment. On the one hand, professionalism is an important key factor for successful individuals at their jobs.

In other words

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, it is a significant skill that affects the outcome.

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addition

Add a comma

addition,

show examples

being professional might be affected when friendship builds between the employees.

For example

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, statistics showed that 70% of the majority of the outstanding companies set roles that relationship in any form is prohibited between the working people.

Although

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the numbers might reflect the success Of

this

Linking Words

method.

However

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, I think there are multiple ways to reach the same result.

On the other hand

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, a healthy working field comes from a better connection between workers. It is possible to say that

professional

Correct article usage

a professional

show examples

group doesn’t necessarily mean a separate group. They can maintain the connection like friendship and

also

Linking Words

get the work done.

For instance

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, in my hospital the seniors bond with their joiners in the coffee time

while

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discussing any misunderstanding that happened earlier which in turn led to a smoother workflow. I believe

this

Linking Words

method of thinking is preferable. In conclusion, people in significant careers should maintain strict boundaries to ensure completing tasks during working hours and

also

Linking Words

create a friendly space outside it.

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task achievement

Ensure that the topic and the content of the essay match. The introduction doesn't align strongly with the topic of photographers and famous people.

coherence cohesion

Provide clearer transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas.

coherence cohesion

The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.

task achievement

Good mix of theoretical points and personal examples to support arguments.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

276 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Celebrity status
Public interest
Invasion of privacy
Mental health impact
Media scrutiny
Personal freedom
Ethical considerations
Public figure
Consent
Balance
Surveillance
Unwanted photography
Admiration
Inspiration
Intrusive

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