People aim to keep a balance between their work and other parts of their lives, but few people achieve it. What are the problems in trying to achieve this goal and how can these problems be overcome?

Nowadays, most

people

Use synonyms

pursue the YOLO lifestyle (You Only Live Once). In

this

Linking Words

issue, some

people

Use synonyms

argue that the public will be going through a hard

time

Use synonyms

to balance their workload and leisure

time

Use synonyms

. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will elaborate on the main reason of

this

Linking Words

problem and discuss the best solution.

To begin

Linking Words

with, personal financial condition obviously represents the problem of

this

Linking Words

issue. In fact, most

people

Use synonyms

are working plenty of

time

Use synonyms

on weekdays.

Moreover

Linking Words

especially, young

people

Use synonyms

are inclined to do extra works for accumulating their properties.

That is

Linking Words

because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

they should prepare

Add an article

show examples

ndividual future plan;

for example

Linking Words

, for wedding, residences, and cars could be

approporiate

Correct your spelling

appropriate

cases.

In addition

Linking Words

, a rise in living expenses is

also

Linking Words

one of the reasons that

people

Use synonyms

are struggled

Change to the active voice

struggle

have struggled

show examples

in financial situation.

Therefore

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

will not able to make a balance between work

time

Use synonyms

and spare

time

Use synonyms

as much

Verify preposition usage

show examples

their need.

However

Linking Words

, the diversity of workload or commuting

time

Use synonyms

is anticipated to tackle

this

Linking Words

issue.

First

Linking Words

, the average

Verify preposition usage

apply

show examples

working hours is fixed according to the government's policy so that the public does not have many choices for utilizing their holidays.

Therefore

Linking Words

, if enterprises afford an opportunity to change employee hours, parents could take care of their children better than before they did and young and elderly

people

Use synonyms

could find appropriate living balance.

Hence

Linking Words

, I feel that

this

Linking Words

solution should be

adapted

Correct your spelling

adopted

show examples

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

governments and local corporations as soon as possible for the public's YOLO lifestyle. In conclusion, only

Change the article

show examples

people

Use synonyms

can enjoy their leisure

time

Use synonyms

in spite of having a job due to most

people

Use synonyms

have

Add an article

the

show examples

ersonal financial condition.

However

Linking Words

, if the government implement

Add an article

the

show examples

ew policy which includes the variety of working hours, the entire of the public could live in YOLO lives.

kooji6856

Jan 17, 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

293 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

work-life balance
burnout
flexible work arrangements
remote work
unplug
boundaries
workplace culture
societal pressure
stress management
time management

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People aim to keep a balance between their work and other parts of their lives, but few people achieve it. What are the problems in trying to achieve this goal and how can these problems be overcome?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many local languages today are dying out due to the rise of languages like English. Is this a positive or negative development?

Some people claim that museums and art galleries are not needed today because everyone can see historical objects or art works by computer. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many countries have most shops and products as the same. Some consider it a positive development, whereas others consider it negative. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.