People aim to keep a balance between their work and other parts of their lives, but few people achieve it. What are the problems in trying to achieve this goal and how can these problems be overcome?

Nowadays, most
people
pursue the YOLO lifestyle (You Only Live Once). In
this
issue, some
people
argue that the public will be going through a hard
time
to balance their workload and leisure
time
. In
this
essay, I will elaborate on the main reason of
this
problem and discuss the best solution.
To begin
with, personal financial condition obviously represents the problem of
this
issue. In fact, most
people
are working plenty of
time
on weekdays.
Moreover
especially, young
people
are inclined to do extra works for accumulating their properties.
That is
because
,
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they should prepare
i
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an

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ndividual future plan;
for example
, for wedding, residences, and cars could be
approporiate
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appropriate

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cases.
In addition
, a rise in living expenses is
also
one of the reasons that
people
are struggled
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struggle
have struggled

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in financial situation.
Therefore
,
people
will not able to make a balance between work
time
and spare
time
as much
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as

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their need.
However
, the diversity of workload or commuting
time
is anticipated to tackle
this
issue.
First
, the average
of
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apply

It appears that the preposition of may be unnecessary in this context. Consider removing it.

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working hours is fixed according to the government's policy so that the public does not have many choices for utilizing their holidays.
Therefore
, if enterprises afford an opportunity to change employee hours, parents could take care of their children better than before they did and young and elderly
people
could find appropriate living balance.
Hence
, I feel that
this
solution should be
adapted
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adopted

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by
the
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apply

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governments and local corporations as soon as possible for the public's YOLO lifestyle. In conclusion, only
f
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a

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ew
people
can enjoy their leisure
time
in spite of having a job due to most
people
have
p
Add an article
the
a

The noun phrase personal financial condition seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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ersonal financial condition.
However
, if the government implement
n
Add an article
a
the

The noun phrase new policy seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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ew policy which includes the variety of working hours, the entire of the public could live in YOLO lives.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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