IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

some people think that hard work helps in achieving financial success while others think it is not the only thing which contributes to financial success. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #work #success
Certain individuals believe that working hard contributes to the level of achievement one attains financially, while others are of the notion that a variety of factors could bring about financial growth. In my opinion, both notions are complementary.
This
 essay would
further
 discuss the two views with examples. On the one hand, hardworking has been perceived by many as a major factor that increases wealth in many homes, particularly because it enables fulfilment of set goals which translates to an increase in cash flow.
For example
, my brother who is a farmer sets out daily with the aim of planting a certain quantity of cocoa seeds and does not return until he has completed his day task.
Subsequently
,the harvest of farm produce is exported in exchange for cash. As
such
, he gets monetary value for a difficult task done.
On the other hand
, a number of other factors namely intelligence, trust, integrity, interpersonal skills and relationships, purchasing skills , computer skills all contribute to growth in wealth. As these factors tend to increase job opportunities and even promote people In the administrative and business cycle, more importantly, intelligence and wisdom guide important decisions
such
 as the best time to buy, sell or invest, a crucial characteristic in the market place that can either make or mar a business. To
further
 expatiate, a cousin of mine who into real estate has to maintain a very high level of interpersonal skill and relationship with clients in other to sell a house and make a profit, a job he would not be able to accomplish without computer skill, as all houses and estates are modelled online. In conclusion, accomplishing a difficult task as well as characteristic including skill acquisition/wisdom both foster financial success
although
 both compliments each other in my viewpoint.
Submitted by Dammy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: