IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

All over the world, the number of overweight people is growing. What do you feel are the main causes of this? What are the effects?

#world #people #effects
It is scientifically proven that health is connected to
weight
 and
people
 should be fit to live a healthy life.
However
,
obesity
 is insanely increasing.
This
 essay will discuss the reasons and consequences of
obesity
. The main reason of
weight
 increase is,
people
 are not fully aware of how to eat healthy as
people
 only eat what they like regardless of the results.
Moreover
, the popularity of fast food is dramatically surging, though, ready food is extremely dangerous and evidently leads to gaining
weight
 but because workers are busy they do not possess enough time to cook. A recent study has shown that 70% of workers eat fast food.
Furthermore
, because of the contemporary busy lifestyle
people
 do not have free time to exercise and without exercise humans will gain
weight
. There are many severe repercussions of
obesity
,
such
 as health problems as overweight
people
 are more vulnerable because their immune system is weak and unable to protect them,
as a result
, they tend to die earlier than a fit person, A research from the University of Khartoum stated that overweight
people
 are likely to die before they hit 60 years old. Another big effect of
obesity
 is anxiety because obese
people
 are less confident than healthy
people
 because they always feel that they do not look good.
For example
, my friend in high school left the school because he felt that our colleagues made fun of him. To conclude,
although
 all doctors advice
people
 to lose
weight
 the rate of overweight
people
 is increasing because of
people
 eating habits which will lead to
obesity
-related illnesses.
Submitted by Obada ALi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: