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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In today’s society, both Western medicine and traditional complementary forms of medicines’ are now widely known and used. The effectiveness of these kinds of treatment is determined by the patient’s mental attitude towards it. To what extent you agree or disagree?

#today’s #society #medicine #forms #medicines’ #effectiveness #kinds #treatment #patient’s #attitude
Nowadays, the usage of medicines is increasing day by day in different forms, but its result depends on
patient's
Correct article usage
the patient's
show examples
mentally
Change the word
mental
show examples
 attitude
while
 it could be
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 and conventional
form
Fix the agreement mistake
forms
show examples
. To initiate, there are several reasons why willpower comes first before
takes
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 any drugs.
Firstly
, people in the
Yestern
Correct your spelling
Western
show examples
 period
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
depended on traditional drugs,
whereas
 they thought these took a long
time
 but gave a positive outcome.
Secondly
, they
were thinking
Wrong verb form
thought
show examples
 there
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 no side effects,
therefore
 they used it anytime when they required.
For example
, if they
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a headache, most of the
time
 they Grind the Neem leaves and put it on the forehead.
Consequently
, all about were their beliefs which always
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhanced
show examples
 their confidence to fight
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
diseases.
However
, folks are using
to take
Verb problem
apply
show examples
western medicines as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 in a short
time
while
 these should always be prescribed by doctors because it is overuse is harmful and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can make a person
dies
Correct subject-verb agreement
die
show examples
 within
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
seconds.
For example
, if a dose is only one pill and the patient is taking two pills at a
time
, it is obviously harmful to him. Another thing is patient
will power
Correct your spelling
willpower
show examples
, without
will power
Correct your spelling
willpower
show examples
, nothing is possible.
As a result
, it makes them as
much
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
strong,
Correct word choice
as
show examples
illness can go far away.
To conclude
, It is inevitable that everyone wants
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
relief from diseases that's why they
use to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
take drugs but the effectiveness of
mind
Correct article usage
the mind
show examples
, builds their
body
Change noun form
body's
show examples
 strength to fight
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
illness. It can only happen if the Government should take some steps to boost the energy of society.
Submitted by nishusweet on

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general
Simplify your language and sentence structure to make your ideas clearer. Avoid overly complicated sentences that may confuse the reader.
coherence cohesion
Improve organization by using paragraphs to separate different ideas and reasons. This will make your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
You have good points, but they need more development. Provide stronger support and more detailed examples for each main idea.
general
Work on grammatical accuracy. Errors in grammar distract from the main points you are making and can make your writing less clear.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a smoother flow from one idea to another by using connectors and transition words effectively.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the topic and offer some insightful points regarding the importance of mental attitude in the effectiveness of medicine.
general
The essay attempts to tackle both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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