Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. As many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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The over-weight issue in teenagers is an escalating problem in the Australian sub-continent. Approximately sixty-six per cent of the kids are above the range of normal weight. Educational institutes play a crucial role in observing the diet and physical activities of the students. We agree with the aforesaid statement and will share a few supporting pointers in the below essay. To commence with, school is the place where teenagers spend their major part of the day.

Hence

, to induce any change in their habits. Educational institutes are the best place to initiate the transformation.

Firstly

, a separate session focussing solely on physical activities would help them to bring them in shape.

Secondly

, a keen watch on the diet and nutrients provided in the cafeteria.

Additionally

, dedicated sessions for meditation and yoga would play the most important role of inner healing.

Moreover

, the purview of an academic institute is not limited to studies alone. It helps in the overall development and transformation from a kid to a responsible citizen.

Therefore

, it would be the best place to include

such

activities and new amendments in a kids routine. To illustrate

this

, to promote yoga in youngsters lifestyle. To accommodate

such

change would be the school and especially during the

first

session in the morning.

Thus

To conclude, since teenagers spend the majority of their time in school and

also

it would be the best option to start any

such

movement.

Thus

, it would be a perfect option to observe and improvise the eating and other habits of a student.

Submitted by cjsvig on Mon Jan 25 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

257 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. As many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the disadvantages and advantages of this?

Some people say that now is the best time in history to be living. What is your opinion about this? What other time in history would be interesting to live in?

Globalization is creating a world of one culture and destroying national identity. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation.Why might this be the case?What could be the disadvantaged of being self-employed?