IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

in many places role of mother and father is changing . Is it a positive or negative development?

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The importance of developing children's
overall
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 growth is the main priority of guardians and there is significant evidence from a number of places that the duty of mothers and fathers has completely shifted. The substantial influence of
this
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 trend has sparked controversy over its potential influence in recent years.
This
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 essay will
further
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 elaborate on the positive impact of
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 development and
thus
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 will lead to a logical conclusion. Analyzing the statement and explaining
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, the first and foremost reason behind
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 is that traditionally parents often divide their tasks mutually, where, the father harnesses financial security and provides essential resources for education and accommodation,
while
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 the mother is responsible for household duties and contributes to develop
overall
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 mental and physical health of their child.
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 mindset has changed recently, which now means do not feel ashamed about cooking food for their toddlers and women are not hesitant to drop their kids off at school. Probing ahead, one of the main underlying reasons stems from the fact that modern parenting is eliminating backward thinking supports a sense of responsibility and fosters to spread of equality in the community. Another striking benefit in
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 regard is that
,
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 the equal contribution of mom and dad in the upbringing of children helps to boost the confidence of each other and
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 change will stimulate a positive impact on the next generation as they become more sensible, respectful and responsible individuals in the society. To recapitulate,
according to
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 the arguments aforementioned, one reaches the conclusion that the benefits of changing roles in parenting are indeed too great,
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 phenomenon eliminates traditional beliefs, fosters a sense of responsibility and encourages positive impacts on the next generations.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each section of your essay transitions smoothly to the next. For example, your introduction could better outline the main points that will be discussed in the body paragraphs, providing clearer guidance for the reader.
task achievement
While your ideas are clear, providing specific examples or studies could enhance the strength of your arguments. Consider incorporating an example of how shared responsibilities in parenting have led to positive outcomes, which would support your claims further.
coherence and cohesion
Check for minor grammatical errors and sentence structure issues to enhance clarity. For instance, phrases like "where, the father" should be restructured for improved fluency.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a well-defined structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
You present valid arguments regarding the benefits of changing parental roles, which is a relevant topic of discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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