IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

There are more advertisements aimed at children. Some people believe that they have negative effects on children and should be banned. Do you agree or disagree?

It is undeniable that a rising number of advertisements target
children
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. While advertisers argue that they just provide
information
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 about the products, I agree with the view that advertising induces
kids
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 to convince them to buy things that are not necessary. On the one hand, some advertisers claim that their
information
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 is useful. Specifically, by comparing similar products,
children
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 can learn the way to become smart consumers.
Additionally
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, advertisements sometimes can provide the young with useful
information
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. Take the advertisement of Lifebuoy as an example. By watching them on TV,
kids
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 can learn how to wash their hands properly, which is vitally important, especially in the unprecedented COVID-19.
On the other hand
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, I concur with the critics of those who consider that parents should wary of the ads to which their
children
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 are exposed.
First
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,
kids
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 under a certain age are not able to realize whether they need commodities or not.
In other words
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, they tend to be swayed by attractive ads and buy unnecessary goods that can be thrown away in the short term.
Furthermore
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, when it comes to food promotion impacts,
such
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 as fast food or confectioneries,
kids
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 are inclined to be attracted.
As a result
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, they will persuade their parents to pay buy for them.
For example
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, the long-term high intake of sugar or trans-fat contained in these foods can be harmful to
children
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, leading to many chronic diseases,
such
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 as obesity or diabetes. In conclusion, while advertisements sometimes provide essential
information
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, they
also
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 put pressure on
children
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, which leads to potential problems in the future.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • materialism
  • exaggerated claims
  • unrealistic expectations
  • dietary habits
  • obesity
  • creativity
  • awareness-raising ads
  • regulated content
  • mental well-being
  • physical well-being
  • beneficial content
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