IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?

#price #petrol #traffic #pollution #measures
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It is often thought that the most effective way to reduce the alarming levels of traffic and pollution is to raise the cost of oil.
However
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,
this
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 is not an optimal solution because, for the features of petrol
price
Use synonyms
, it would not help dropping the quantities consumed.
Then
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,
this
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 essay will argue why the best action that can be put into practice is to decrease the purchasing
price
Use synonyms
 of products whose fossil fuel use is almost zero. Because of the rigidity of oil prices, a rise in it would not make its usage diminish, making
such
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 a measure irrelevant and potentially harmful. Indeed, if the cost of petrol is very high, people needing it to fuel their vehicles would buy it no matter how much they have to pay.
Moreover
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,
this
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 would have a negative effect on people’s budgets, especially on low-income families . It is proof of the fact that whenever the
price
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 of oil soars, the volume purchased does not fluctuate in any noticeable way. A much better alternative to the proposal would be that of decreasing the cost of the so-called “green” products, which are the ones using more sustainable types of energy.
On the other hand
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, subsidizing electric vehicles would be beneficial for those families who cannot afford to buy one and for the whole community. As an example, in the Netherlands, there are many more electric cars than in the majority of countries,
due to
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 State incentives, and they succeed in partially solving the problem of traffic and having cleaner air. Many suggest that making the
price
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 of petrol higher would be the best solution for the over usage of cars and pollution.
On the contrary
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,
this
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 essay has discussed why
such
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 a measure would not be beneficial for society and that a better alternative should be that of making less environmentally dangerous goods cheaper.
Submitted by giordansamuele on

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Task Response
Clarify your thesis statement in the introduction to directly address the question of agreement or disagreement with increasing petrol prices as a solution. A more explicitly stated stance will enhance your task response.
Task Achievement
Expand on your examples by providing more concrete details or statistics to support your arguments. This will strengthen the support for your main points and thus, improve your task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will enhance coherence and cohesion by better connecting your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider revising sentences that are overly complex or contain minor grammatical errors to improve readability.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Discourage
  • Incentivize
  • Alternative energy
  • Public transportation
  • Lower-income
  • Carpool
  • Ride-sharing
  • Congestion
  • Urban planning
  • Pedestrian-friendly
  • Tax incentives
  • Electric and hybrid vehicles
  • Emissions standards
  • Cleaner vehicles
  • Congestion charges
  • Bicycle lanes
  • Sustainable
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