IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

More young people in the workforce change their jobs or careers every few years. What are the reasons for this? Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

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Changing
jobs
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 frequently has become a common trend among young professionals in the workforce today. I firmly believe that the advantages of
this
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 practice outweigh the negative consequences.
This
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 essay will explain several reasons why changing
jobs
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 or
careers
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 can be highly beneficial.
To begin
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 with, gaining diverse experience is essential for a young individual’s professional growth. By changing
careers
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 or
jobs
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, they receive the opportunity to broaden their skill set and understanding of different industries.
Additionally
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, they are introduced to a variety of people, which enhances their communication skills.
For instance
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, my mother changed her job several times throughout her career and is now excellent at communicating with others.
Thus
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, to meet both personal and job requirements, gaining varied experience through changing
jobs
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 or
careers
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 is crucial.
Besides
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 that, changing
jobs
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 enables individuals to improve their skills and knowledge across different fields. To become well-rounded and educated, a person should be aware of other disciplines, which can often be interconnected with their primary field.
For example
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, the renowned physicist Albert Einstein
also
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 studied mathematics and history, making him intellectually versatile.
Moreover
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, individuals who can contribute in multiple areas help ensure the progress and prosperity of
society
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.
Therefore
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, changing
jobs
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 not only benefits the individual but
also
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 contributes to the improvement of
society
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 as a whole. In conclusion, I regard changing
jobs
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 or
careers
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 as fundamental for increasing wealth and advancements in
society
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. People can meet a wide range of individuals, which enhances communication skills, and
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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 more contributions to
society
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, which is essential for the prosperity of a nation.

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task achievement
Ensure that all main points are well-supported with detailed and relevant examples. For instance, more examples could be provided to illustrate the connection between job changes and skill improvement.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally good, but transitions between paragraphs can be smoother. Consider using more linking words and phrases to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to address the counter-argument at least briefly to create a more balanced discussion. For example, mention potential disadvantages of changing jobs too frequently.
task achievement
Clarify the specific advantages and disadvantages, explaining why the benefits outweigh the drawbacks with more concrete examples and data.
task achievement
The essay effectively introduces the topic and provides a clear thesis statement. The conclusion nicely reiterates the main points.
coherence cohesion
The use of personal examples, such as the reference to your mother, makes the argument more relatable and engaging.
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