IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe, it is important to spend more time developing a successful career, while others believe it is important to spend time with family and friends. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #career #friends
It is considered by some that a successful career should be a priority as well as skill development, while other
people
 opine family and friends are more valued. In my opinion, I believe that having great friends and
l
Add an article
a
show examples
ovely family are much more expensive. It's luck when you are surrounded by
people
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 you love. On the one hand many think. It's important to get a well-paid job, as it may decide many questions in the future. When the time will come and individuals start to think about family, and
queston
Correct your spelling
question
questions
 will be raised about money, I consider if one hasn't the
stability
Replace the word
stable
show examples
 profit and he
feel
Change the verb form
feels
show examples
 difficulty in relation to work or goals which one had set for oneself didn't
fullfil
Correct your spelling
fulfil
, in
this
 case
Add the comma(s)
,
show examples
individual should give up a thought about creating of family.
On the other hand
,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
family and friends are the
backbone
Change the noun form
backbones
show examples
 of any successful person. Any employee could earn a physical form of peace by receiving pay cheques every month, but mental peace can receive from their family members and relatives.
Moreover
, usually
Add a comma
,
show examples
people
 earn the wealthy status of their child who they are their future.
For Instance
, In India, 80%
Verify preposition usage
of
show examples
people
 are giving priority to their family rather than others.
Finally
, family and relatives have been with forever.
However
,
o
Change the article
the
show examples
nly career can cease at the gate of the company. To recapitulate,
The
Remove the article
apply
show examples
career is an essential factor for any person. Every employee should spend maximum time
for
Verify preposition usage
on
show examples
 their work.
Although
, the family is always being on the top priority list rather
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 any others.
Submitted by nikita.golubev21 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: