IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Work is more important than leisure. Do you agree or disagree?

#work #leisure
Some
people
 regard their
work
 as the most important aspects
in
Verify preposition usage
of
show examples
life
 and have little interest in anything else, while others are more enthusiastic about their hobbies and leisure interests than their jobs. I would argue that
recration
Correct your spelling
recreation
is mope
Change the verb form
is moped
is moping
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 essential for
life
. On the
one
 hand, workaholics are likely to be successful in
life
. It is believed that
people
 have to allocate all of their time to
work
 due to the fact that they can acquire great experience during working and
also
 generate sufficient revenue for their
life
. Some
people
 take a
second
 job or do extra
work
 to supplement their salary as each person has greater responsibility. To illustrate when a person is a family man, he needs to have a house, a car, protect family financially, and
also
 care
parents
Add the comma(s)
, parents,
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 when they are older. All
this
 requires a lot of income and hard
work
On the other hand
, the majority of
people
 conceive that workers should have entertainment,
moreover
 working. For
one
,
life
 with its responsibilities is stressful enough, and without hobbies to look forward to at the end of
grueling
Change the spelling
gruelling
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 working days makes
one
 even more stressed out, which in serious cases could result in depression.
Furthermore
, many succeed in making use of their skills and interests and turn them into lucrative remote side careers. With a photography hobby,
for instance
,
one
 can start their business and seek their clients as a photographer. Meanwhile, a lot of categories fit into an art hobby, like graphic design, painting, and drawing.
Hence
, they can take Art Models or Production Artists into consideration. All in all, pursuing a hobby could yield many far-reaching benefits compared to excessive working. In conclusion, it is essential to develop
career
Add an article
a career
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 and working hard, even though I believe that it is better to appreciate leisure, according to
tha
Correct your spelling
the
 fact that it can be as productive as pleasant
Submitted by klysh on

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