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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that lawbreakers should be sent to prison. However, others think that better talents among those should be made to work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #lawbreakers #prison #talents #work
There has been a significant rise in criminal activities, in several nations.
However
, an array of masses favours the notion of detention
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 criminals and others consider
adequate
Correct pronoun usage
it adequate
show examples
 to proffer employment opportunities. Ideas related to both views
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 be captivated in the following paragraphs. There are a plethora of reasons behind supporting conviction in
context
Correct article usage
the context
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 offenders. When they would be declared guilty in the court airing, the involvement of the criminals in offensive activities would swell because they would become fearless.
As a result
, they would stimulate innocent civilians to join their gangs after absolving from jail who already reside on
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 breadline by alluring them with fruitful finance.
For example
, if a gangster gets 8 years
jail
Change preposition
in jail
show examples
 after performing
severe
Correct article usage
a severe
show examples
 heist
then
 after absolvation, he would make his gang even more strong by inviting disadvantageous folks.
Nonetheless
, as everyone has a birthright to obtain a lease on life, the wrongdoers should
also
 be heaved a sigh of relief by the higher authorities after determining the cause behind
illicit
Correct article usage
the illicit
show examples
 deed because in most of the rudimentary nations,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
populace
Correct article usage
the populace
show examples
 dwells below the poverty line and sometimes it becomes a herculean task for them to earn bread and butter.
This
 sort of condition provokes them to commit a crime.
Therefore
, it is a liability of the legislators to offer them employment opportunities that would potent them to live hand to mouth and they would automatically get prevented
to be
Change preposition
from being
show examples
 miscreant.
To conclude
,
although
, the government should provide severe conviction to the miscreant people,
yet
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the importance of providing them
jobs
Change preposition
with jobs
show examples
 cannot be neglected.
Thus
, the councils should provide detention to offenders
according to
 the severity of their offence.
Submitted by jatinderpanaich328 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing ideas more coherently and linking them together effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction and conclusion clearly present the main ideas and provide a roadmap for the essay, reinforcing the overall coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Develop more well-supported main points by providing in-depth explanations and examples to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Address the task prompt more comprehensively by further exploring the advantages and disadvantages of sending lawbreakers to prison and making them work. Additionally, provide a clear and balanced opinion at the end of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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