IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some societies, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regard of age, teenagers who commit major crime should receive adult punishment. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

In
quiet
Correct article usage
a quiet
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 few communities, the amount of illegal activity by teens is increasing rapidly. Some individuals believe, regardless of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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age,
minors that
Correct word order
that minors
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 are
committing
Wrong verb form
commit
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 serious illegal activities should
get
Verb problem
receive
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 adult punishments and retribution to discipline them. I disagree with punishing youngsters
of
Change preposition
in
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 the same
method
Check wording
way
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 used to punish adults for serious misconduct. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 I believe that giving
such
Linking Words
 heavy punishment to youngsters for their wrongdoing
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Linking Words
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
is highly influenced by wrong guidance and environment.
Although
Linking Words
 there are youngsters who did carry out significant misconduct, considering their
age
Punctuation problem
age,
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 where they would most likely be influenced by their environment and poor
judgement
Use the right word
judgment
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 skills, which could highly lead to making wrong decisions and
perform
Wrong verb form
performing
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 significant illegal acts.
Such
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 as having
being
Wrong verb form
been
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 bullied in school or being abused by their parents, which can often lead them to a breaking point, that leads them to commit a heinous violation, often it could be
due to
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 trying to protect themselves from any
further
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 harm in the future. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 statistics in
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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the USA
it
Punctuation problem
, it
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 has been shown that there has been a drastic increase in teenagers committing big
wrongdoing
Fix the agreement mistake
wrongdoings
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,
due to
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 self-defence and for protection. After studying
Linking Words
further
Punctuation problem
further,
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 they found out that many of the students have mental problems
due to
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bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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 environment,
such
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 as severe depression and anxiety, sociopath,
PTSD
Correct word choice
and PTSD
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.
Therefore
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, it often leads them
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 poor
judgement
Use the right word
judgment
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 skills and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of proper reasoning. In conclusion, punishing young individuals with adult punishments
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 is not the solution for them to stop committing any
further
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 significant illegal activities. I disagree with
such
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 heavy punishments for young individuals, even though they committed major crimes. In my opinion, we can change them for the better and prevent
such
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 a case from repeating by giving them frequent counselling.

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Task Response
State your view in one clear line in the intro, then stick to it in the body. Do not repeat phrases.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use clear paragraphs. Each idea should have one topic sentence and a short example.
Grammar
Use simple and correct grammar. Check verb tense and subject-verb agreement.
Task Response
Give more precise examples and link them to your point. Show how the example supports your view.
Strength
Clear aim to show a different view from common idea, which helps the task.
Strength
Some good reasons are given (environment, guidance) to support the view.
Strength
Effort to end with a solution (counselling) shows future move.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • psychological maturity
  • consequences of their actions
  • juvenile crime
  • root causes
  • family breakdown
  • poverty
  • lack of education
  • harsh penalties
  • rehabilitation and reformation
  • capacity for change
  • detrimental psychological effects
  • age-appropriate interventions
  • constructive path
  • deterrent
  • overcrowded prisons
  • exacerbate criminal behavior
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