IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industry to move to regional areas outside large urban area centers. Do you think the advantaged outweigh the disadvantages?

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In recent years, a huge number of large companies and
industries
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 have had a propensity for relocating their production sites.
Although
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 some claim that
this
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 trend leads to higher prices and difficulty in attracting skilled labour, I firmly believe that the
benefits
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 of
this
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 - ranging from boosting local economies by creating job opportunities to mitigating environmental issues in urban
centres
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 - far exceed the drawbacks.
This
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 essay will explore both the
benefits
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 and drawbacks of
this
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 phenomenon. One of the most significant
benefits
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 of the relocation of
industries
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 is improving the local economies. The production of goods in regional areas fosters the local economy since these
industries
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 demand locally produced raw materials
such
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 as iron and plastic. A good example of
this
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 can be witnessed in the Temirtau area in Kazakhstan where the region is rich in iron ores, making the area favourable for steel
industries
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.
Moreover
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, local individuals even without any qualifications benefit from various job opportunities as factories need services,including logistics, maintenance, and general labour.
Additionally
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,
this
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 trend plays a crucial role in mitigating environmental issues. Since relocating
industries
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 diminishes the population of urban
centres
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, it directly reduces traffic congestion, reducing air pollution and improving air quality. Despite all these
benefits
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, relocation includes several challenges.
To begin
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 with,
this
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 leads to a remarkable surge in prices.
This
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 issue arises because the transportation of goods creates extra costs which is frequently reflected in customers. A recent study conducted in the US has revealed that customers spend relatively more on dairy products produced in regional areas
due to
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 transportation expenses compared to those in urban
centres
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.
Secondly
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, the lack of amenities
such
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 as shopping
centres
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, hospitals and educational settings makes regional areas less likely to be preferred by skilled labour, causing
industries
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 to struggle to manufacture high-quality products.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your argument is clearly structured and that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Using signposting language can help guide the reader.
task achievement
Consider expanding on the disadvantages by providing more examples or further explanation to strengthen your argument against them.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines your position and states the main ideas to be discussed, effectively setting up the essay.
task achievement
The examples provided, particularly the case of the Temirtau area, effectively illustrate your points about boosting local economies.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Balanced regional development
  • Overconcentration
  • Housing affordability
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Infrastructure
  • Environmental benefits
  • Skilled labor
  • Logistics
  • Operational efficiency
  • Urban sprawl
  • Ecosystems
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