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Writing Samples
Band 5

students leave high school without learning the way how to manage their money. what are the reasons and solutions for this issue?

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Many young
student
Change to a plural noun
students
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 are leaving school without a basic and vital understanding of how personal finances ought to be managed in the adult world.
This
Linking Words
 lack of knowledge is
due to
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 a lack of
life
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 experience and limited education which can be solved in several ways. One main reason why so many young people are unable to manage their own finances upon finishing high school is that they have been living with their
parents
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 for free.
As a result
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, they have never needed to earn a salary or save their
money
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 in order to pay bills
such
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 as phone bills or mortgage. Another cause is that
schools
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 do not have any
course
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courses
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 for personal financial management in their outline.
Schools
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 focus
instead
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 on classic subjects,
such
Linking Words
 as mathematics, geography, history and languages, which means important
life
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skills
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 are not being taught. Both teachers and
parents
Use synonyms
 are failing to prepare young people for the real world.
However
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, there are several methods for solving young students’ inability to manage their
money
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
parents
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 should spend time with their children teaching them how
money
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 is earned and used for either savings or expenses. One simple step could be for
parents
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 to start by teaching
younge
Correct your spelling
young
younger
 children how to manage their pocket
money
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 and, as their child grows up, expand into more serious household costs.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
schools
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 should add
life
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skills
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 into their curriculum for students
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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final year
Add a hyphen
final-year
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 students. In
this
Linking Words
 way, children will be able to learn in a supportive environment how their finances need to be budgeted and managed to avoid debt problems later in
life
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. In conclusion, young people lack financial management
skills
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due to
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 the ignorance of
parents
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 and
schools
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, which can only be tackled if both take more responsibility for teaching school leavers
with
Change preposition
apply
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the right
skills
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is focused on a single main point and that the progression of ideas is clear and logical throughout the essay.
task response
Address all parts of the essay prompt with clear and relevant ideas. Provide specific examples to support the points made.
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