IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

These days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. Do you think benefits of this outweigh disadvantages in terms of family development?

#people #country #work #outweigh #terms #development
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In the contemporary era and
due to
 the country's development, many
people
 leave their homes with their families.
Therefore
, there are many pros and cons to
this
 situation. In my opinion, I believe that positive outcomes are more than disadvantages in terms of family development. In
this
 essay, I am going to discuss the benefits in detail. To commence by looking at the advantages of leaving their home country and thinking about the good outcomes for their family. One of the main advantages that can be seen obviously is that to improve their quality lifestyle. To illustrate more, Oman newspaper presents a study of the international
people
's lifestyle in Oman, it shows an increase rate of international
people
 who are living in Oman during the
last
 three years. The second positive outcome is regarding the professional work that could be found in developing countries that provides a good salary and a healthy environment for workers.
This
 advantage leads to providing high-quality education for
people
's families.
For example
, a good and excellent college and university can be found in urban cities.
Last
 an advantage can be shown that,
people
 looking for the largest and biggest hospital in the development area and ensure their healthier life in the large countries. In conclusion, it is obvious that many
people
 leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them to ensure a good quality lifestyle.
Submitted by rajaa.albriki on

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task achievement
While the essay presents a clear position, it can benefit from more detailed examples and evidence to support the points made. Adding specific data or personal anecdotes may enhance the depth of the argument.
task achievement
Ensure the essay maintains consistent clarity. Try to avoid repetitive phrases and improve sentence variety for a more engaging read.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs by using transitional phrases. This will enhance the coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Although an introduction and conclusion are present, the conclusion could summarize the main points more succinctly and provide a final thought or call to action. This will give the essay a stronger finish.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and a conclusion which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
The main points are relevant to the topic and address the question effectively.
task achievement
The essay makes a logical argument in favor of the advantages of moving abroad for work in terms of family development.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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