Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching younger children) To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighbourhood #children

Certain individuals argue that non-profit socially beneficial activities should be made mandatory in school education. I completely agree with

this

statement.

This

essay will explain with reasons and examples for my opinion.

Firstly

, students are at the optimum age to start their

community

service, since it will help develop their personalities. Committing to charity work and educating underprivileged

kids

, makes young adults self-aware of their society and they will act

according to

the needs of the

community

For instance

kids

in Japan actively participate in charity work from their schools. These

kids

grew up to be more helpful and respectful to others, than the

kids

who did not grow up in Japan.

Furthermore

, these activities can ultimately help improve one's

community

. Cleaning the neighbourhood is a great example. A clean neighbourhood will have fewer crimes and better business.

However

, others may argue that the

kids

this

age should focus on studies only. Admittedly much time will be diverted from students for these activities. But

this

will not affect the teenagers much , as they are studying real-world experiences.

Also

, there is an element of danger, when children are out doing social work as they are much more vulnerable to crimes.

This

can be avoided by an adult always accompanying and guiding them during those hours In conclusion, I strongly believe that unpaid

community

service should be part of high school programmes .

This

will help students become self-aware and learn about compassion for others.

Also

this

will help society to improve.

Submitted by augustinjose99 on Thu Jun 20 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure consistency in the use of certain terms. For instance, 'socially beneficial activities' and 'community service' are used interchangeably which is acceptable, but maintaining consistency can enhance clarity.

coherence cohesion

Improve the transition between paragraphs. While the essay overall is cohesive, smoother transitions can help the reader follow the argument more effortlessly.

coherence cohesion

Try to enrich your arguments with more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures for an even stronger impression.

task achievement

The essay addresses the prompt comprehensively and presents a clear stance on the issue.

task achievement

Arguments and counterarguments are well-balanced, showing both sides of the issue effectively.

coherence cohesion

The essay is logically structured, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

252 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

unpaid
compulsory
high school programmes
charity
improving the neighbourhood
teaching younger children
valuable learning experiences
communication
teamwork
problem-solving
compassion
empathy
connect
positive impact
mandatory
personal development
social development
interested
motivated
volunteer

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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching younger children) To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In most countries around the world, children begin learning the English language at school from the primary level. What are the advantages and disadvantages of teaching the English language to children at an early age?

Nowadays famous players are followed by young adults some people think it's a positive trend and believe otherwise what do you think is it a positive or negative trend