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Band 5.5

People nowadays spend their free time less actively than in the past. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #time
Nowadays young
people
 often spend their free
time
 at home watching TV or playing computer games. Very few do
sports
 outside of
school
.
This
 means that if they don't do exercise during
school
time
, they will be unfit and suffer from health problems. I agree that
children
 should do
sports
 lessons at
school
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will explain why. Some
people
 say that
sports
 lessons are a waste of
time
. Students have to prepare for exams and should spend all their
time
 on academic work.
This
 is what many
people
 think in my country. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 they are wrong. A healthy mind needs a healthy body. Doing exercise every day makes you happy and relaxed. Studying all the
time
 can make you stressed. Another reason for my opinion is that having an unfit generation will cause many problems for society. When today's
children
 get older,
unfortunately
Add the comma(s)
,unfortunately
show examples
 they may suffer from illnesses like heart disease. The government will have to spend a lot of money on doctors and hospitals. It is much better to create a fit and healthy adult population by getting
children
 to do
sports
 when they are still at
school
.
In addition
,
sports
 teach
people
 discipline and working as a team.
This
 will help them in their future life. In conclusion, I can say that prevention is better than cure.
Children
 who do
sports
 will be healthier, happier adults. They are more likely to continue with their active lifestyle when they grow up. In
this
way
Add a comma
,way
show examples
 we can make a better society for the future. (259 words)
Submitted by patelbhoomi168 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • streaming movies
  • browsing social media
  • playing video games
  • digital entertainment
  • active pursuits
  • resurgence of interest
  • fitness trends
  • outdoor adventures
  • group sports
  • perception of time
  • connectivity requirements
  • passive activities
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