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Writing Samples
Band 6

All over the world, the number of overweight people is growing. What do you feel are the main causes of this? What are the effects?

#world #people #effects
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It is observed that more and more
people
Use synonyms
 have put on weight around the world. There are ample reasons accounting for
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon including unbalanced diet, lacking exercises and growing stress. Not only does obesity do harm to
people
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's health, but
also
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 it laggers the economic development of society. Causes for the fatness derive from many aspects.
Firstly
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, an increasing number of
people
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 are addicted to junk food
such
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 as hamburgers and sweet drinks because
of
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apply
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these are widely sold at low prices in chain stores over the world.
People
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 are so occupied with their jobs or study that they have no time to prepare homemade food while eating out is much more convenient.
Sencondly
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Secondly
,
commercial
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a commercial
the commercial
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 advertisement for snacks with high
carories
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calories
 is everywhere, which prompts both adults and children to consume
these unhealthy food
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this unhealthy food
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.
Thirdly
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, everyone can not help eating unhealthily to cheer themselves up when they are in bad mood or under enormous pressure in
this
Linking Words
 competitive world.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, it is not easy for
people
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 to make up their mind and go exercising nowadays after a long day's hark work or tender learning. The popularity of obesity might affect
people
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' health as well as the economic growth of society.
To begin
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 with, fatness comes with many
comodities
Correct your spelling
commodities
 including high pressure, diabetes and vascular disease which are chronic and cost a lot. What is more, if these overweight
people
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 take days off frequently to see a doctor or even get hospitalized, the work productivity will suffer and the social welfare system will face a huge challenge. In conclusion, several main factors contribute to the rising amount of overweight individuals, which result in poor health and hinder economic progression.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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