IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, fast
food
Use synonyms
 is being eaten by most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
people
Use synonyms
 and researchers proved that it has
detrimental
Add an article
a detrimental
show examples
 effect on their body. Few
people
Use synonyms
 argue that issue can be resolved by getting
people
Use synonyms
 educated while others feel that providing education is not the only solution. Notwithstanding, I strongly advocate the same that educating
people
Use synonyms
 will definitely decrease the consumption of junk
food
Use synonyms
 but it will not eliminate the habit of eating out.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
both the solutions along with my opinion with relevant examples. There are numerous reasons due to which an individual likes to consume
food
Use synonyms
 outside.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 age of cut-throat competition, everyone is very busy throughout the day and has to work hard within the deadlines set to accomplish targets.
Engaging
Add an article
An engaging
The engaging
show examples
 whole day in work, one has no time to cook and eat home
food
Use synonyms
, so
people
Use synonyms
 go for readymade
food
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, because outside
food
Use synonyms
 is very cheap and quick, anyone can afford it even the underprivileged
people
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey showed that as compared to
past
Add an article
the past
show examples
, almost 80% of
people
Use synonyms
 love to eat outside because it is not costly and they can enjoy having it with their family and friends.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, from
past
Add an article
the past
show examples
 some decades, it has
also
Linking Words
 been noticed that by consuming junk
food
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 are becoming sick and their health has
been deteriorated
Change to the active voice
deteriorated
show examples
. Education is an important tool by which bad habits of eating unhealthy fast
food
Use synonyms
 can be controlled to a great extent. To illustrate,
people
Use synonyms
 should be educated about the diseases caused by
fast
Add a hyphen
fast-food
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 eating and
cost
Add an article
the cost
show examples
 of the treatment.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
 measure,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should impose high taxes on eatables as well as its distribution.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the advertisements that
promotes
Change the verb form
promote
show examples
 junk and unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 should be banned by the state. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 fast
food
Use synonyms
 is
easily
Add an article
an easily
show examples
 accessible and low cost, it is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 our health and it can be controlled by education and governmental action to increase the prices and levy taxes on fast
food
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: