IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that prison sentences should not be used to deal with criminals. Education and skills training should be used instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #prison #sentences #criminals #education #skills
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that some
people
 do believe in education and skills development as replacement jail punishment for those who are committing a
crime
. Not to mention, though, prison sentences are not the most effective way for all kinds of crimes to address. I do partly agree with
this
 surrogate method. The reason why some
people
 think job training can be set
instead
 of prison punishment would be its efficient impact on an individual’s behaviour. In the other words,
this
 is because
people
,
in particular
 teenagers, who are committing a
crime
such
 as pickpocketing or even drug smuggling need to treat in the right way.
Besides
this
, most adolescent criminals have grown up in poor or broken families,
thus
, they do not have the
chance
Verify preposition usage
ofchance
show examples
 being a productive person, and most of them unintentionally tend to commit a
crime
.
Therefore
, it is unfair to experience prison sentences and should be given a new chance to build their life.
Additionally
, on the other side, jail is a place in which can be seen different aged criminals commit varied offences including murder, vandalism, kidnapping and so on, that make jail far more dangerous
instead
 of being informative. I do think,
however
, imposing a fine on petty
crime
, run a light
for example
, or even in some online fraud that
people
 lose their money. In conclusion,
although
 education and professions training are suitable ways that can apply
instead
 of
such
 harsh sentences, I do believe imposing fine might be proper as well.
Submitted by roosta6787 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: