IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country.
 Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#governments #progress #people #country
The table given illustrates the number of
people
 who visited
Ashdown
Correct article usage
the Ashdown
show examples
Museum
 the year before and after the refurbishment of the
museum
.
In addition
, two pie charts show the result of surveys of visitor satisfaction during similar periods. Overall,the number of
people
 visiting
Ashdown
Correct article usage
the Ashdown
show examples
Museum
 increased after being renovated. In terms of
people
’s feelings about their visits,The majority of
people
 were dissatisfied to some extends with their experience before changes.
By contrast
 the
proportion
 of
visitors
 satisfied and very satisfied with their experience of visiting it
ofbecause
Correct your spelling
because
 the largest
proportion
 of surveyed
visitors
 .
Moreover
, the
proportion
 of
people
 who didn’t respond to the survey remained unchanged. Ashdown
Museum
 welcomed 74,000
visitors
 before refurbishment while it
gaing
Correct your spelling
gaining
gains
 more popularity and 92,000
people
 visited it when it became refurbished. In terms of positive feedback, the
nember
Correct your spelling
number
 of
visitors
 who were satisfied with their visits
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
Correct your spelling
Ashdown
Ashdow
Correct article usage
the Ashdow
show examples
Museum
 decreased from 30% to 40%.
Similarly
, the
proportion
 of very satisfied
people
 were only 15% which rose by 20 per cent
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and
reache
Correct your spelling
reached
reach
 35% .
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 5% of
people
 did not respond to the survey in both years. Looking at negative responses, the highest percentage of
visitors
 were very dissatisfied with their visits(40%) .
This
 figure fell by 25% after changes that were made to the
museum
 and included only 15% of all
visitors
. The
proportion
 of dissatisfied individuals decreased from 10% to 5% the year after refurbishment.
Submitted by suna.habibi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: