Multicultural societies, in which there is a mixture of different ethnic peoples, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Cosmopolitan countries or the countries that promote an inter-cultural environment are the pictures of today's era.
Moreover
, it helps a
country
to build its economy stronger. I am inclined towards the aforementioned statement. As it brings more opportunities for society to learn things
are
Change preposition
at are

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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global level.
This
essay will share my viewpoints about it with a few examples.
Firstly
, if a
country
encourages a multicultural society, it opens up a gate for other
people
to come and work for the
country
. Ultimately, it helps the whole
country
to grow along with the citizen.
For instance
,
Canada
is one of the biggest examples As the government of
Canada
is looking forward to taking approximately four lakh
people
this
year.
Moreover
, there is
a
Correct article usage
apply

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criteria
Change the noun form
criterion

The subject or subject complement of the sentence (criteria) does not appear to agree with the verb is. Consider changing the noun form.

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to get a permanent resident of
Canada
. And that's they make sure quality of professional are coming which will help them to grow.
Secondly
, because if
this
new trend community
also
learn to live with new
people
from different cultures. And it
also
helps an individual to adapt to a different culture. It is
also
beneficial for the citizen of that
country
who are travelling to another nation.
Thirdly
, It brings foreign investment to the
country
. Because of the frequent travel of different
people
in the
,
Remove the comma
apply

There should be no comma after the article the in your sentence. Remove the comma.

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country
Add a comma
,country

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase Because of the frequent travel of different people in the, country. Consider adding a comma.

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it indirectly benefits the networking system.
For example
, In
Canada
because of Multicultural society, companies are now investing as they know they will get the best of the employees. Because as I mentioned above that a candidate who is interested in permanent resident have to pass IELTS and must have a level of education.
Finally
,
people
become more open-minded and there is no
such
negative thinking as racism and casteism. It is the most imperative thing for a
country
and for the community as well. To conclude,
this
essay has shared my viewpoints and gave reasons as well. I believe, every government should promote it. Every
country
must have new policies to set
this
culture. It will help the whole world to grow at a rapid pace.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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