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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many things used to be done in the home by hands are now being done by machines .do this bring more advantages or disadvantages ?

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In the past most of the household tasks were performed employing hands,
nevertheless
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, nowadays,
machines
Use synonyms
 are becoming popular among all age groups. Even though there are a few negative aspects of
this
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 trend, I believe the positive aspects are much stronger. On
one
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 hand,
people
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 become less active
due to
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 the fact
machines
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 take over most of the work at home.
To begin
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 with, several diseases
such
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 as diabetes, cholesterol, obesity and so on have become common health problems
due to
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 lack of physical
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
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.
Hence
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, they have to spend more money on medicines.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 are becoming more distant even though they live in the same house.
For instance
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, in the past, all of the members
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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participated in making special dishes.
However
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,
due to
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 the availability of numerous appliances, only
one
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 person can make food easily.
Consequently
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, family bonds have become weak.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 trend helps us to save more
time
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 which is
one
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 of the most important things in the current lifestyle. As many
people
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busy
Add a missing verb
are busy
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 with their studies or work, they always exploring ways of saving some
time
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 to
get
Verb problem
apply
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relaxed
Replace the word
relax
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. Most household items
such
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 as washing
machines
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, blenders, microwaves,
refrigerators
Correct word choice
and refrigerators
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 help
people
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 to effectively save
time
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 which they can spare on other important things.
Moreover
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,
people
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 can live a
comfortable
Correct quantifier usage
more comfortable
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 life than before. It is a matter of fact that the
machines
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 make our life much easier as we just have to turn on the switch and wait. Since the busy lifestyle has made
people
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 very tired,
machines
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 help to enormously reduce work, particularly in the kitchen.
Hence
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, most
people
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eager
Add a missing verb
are eager
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 to buy at least the most basic goods, even if they do not have enough money to spend. In conclusion, I suppose
machines
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 make our
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
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life much easier by saving some
time
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 and leading to a comfortable living.
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Nonetheless
Add a comma
Nonetheless,
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 some
people
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 have to face serious health issues
due to
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of physical
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
.
Thus
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,
one
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 should be balanced between health and comfort.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt well, providing both advantages and disadvantages of machines in household tasks. However, strengthen your arguments by providing more specific examples for both sides. Consider using statistics or studies to back up your claims about health issues or time saving.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but transitions between ideas can be improved for better flow. Try to use connecting phrases to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
While you provide a good introduction and conclusion, ensure they are fully rounded. The conclusion could briefly summarize the key points you made in the main body to reinforce your argument.
content
You clearly outline both sides of the argument, showing awareness of the complexity of the issue.
language
Your language is mostly clear, and you demonstrate a good understanding of vocabulary related to the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • automation
  • domestic help
  • smart home technologies
  • energy-efficient
  • resource depletion
  • over-dependence
  • external services
  • maintenance
  • replacements
  • leisure activities
  • tedious tasks
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