Some people believe that sport is an essential part of school life for students, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinion..
It is understandable that there are some arguments about allocating physical education in schools. As I see it, there are more benefits when pupils
take
participate in Verb problem
apply
sports
activities
in school
.
First of all, it is obvious that there are some drawbacks when it comes to sporty times in school
. One of them is losing opportunities that students
can learn more academic things such
as science, English and mathematics. This
is because it is inevitable if we set a sports
event in the school
's normal curriculums in advance, we should cut down the classes of other subjects. To illustrate more, some ambitious students
those
who are eager to study more would disagree Correct pronoun usage
apply
doing
Change preposition
with doing
sports
event
. Fix the agreement mistake
events
As a result
, their overall
disatistisfaction
with Correct your spelling
dissatisfaction
school
life might be severe as time goes by.
Another disadvantage is that there is a likelihood that students
can be injured due to
active actions in physical education. It is natural that young pupils are not accustomed to the athletic rules yet, which makes them be
hurt in the end. Unnecessary verb
apply
Furthermore
, because usually immature students
could
be Wrong verb form
can
sometimes
too emotional and lose their control during Rephrase
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
sports
game
, obsessed with their desire that they do want to win.
Fix the agreement mistake
games
However
, there are also
some advantages that we can't deny about sports
activities
in school
. One of them is that they can improve a student's physical strength. In general, loads of students
have sedentary lives due to
their lots of academic classes or other assignments. Therefore
, it must
be helpful if they Verb problem
would
can
attend physically active classes periodically in Wrong verb form
could
school
.
What's more, once students
are used to playing sports
activities
in their school
when they are underminers, they would also
tend to take
participate in physical Verb problem
apply
activities
even after they graduate.
This
means the physical actions they did in school
could be one of the best motivations why they do sporty activities
after they are fully grown-up
.
Correct your spelling
grown up
To sum up
, since the benefits of making students
attend physical activities
in school
outweigh the disadvantages, sports
activities
should be done as crucial parts of the curriculum in schools.Submitted by ggg on
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task response
Your essay addresses both views on the topic, but the argumentation could be more balanced. Consider addressing the opposing view more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction and conclusion, and your ideas are presented in a logical order. Work on using more cohesive devices to connect your ideas and improve the overall coherence.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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