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Writing Samples
Band 6

The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity ?

To begin
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 with,
throughtout
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the world there is
rise
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a rise
the rise
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 in poverty, food shortage and loss of employment due to
ever increasing
Add a hyphen
ever-increasing
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of
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apply
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population.
Thus
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, I completely agree with the above statement and
Firstly
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, my essay will
talk
Verify preposition usage
abouttalk
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 the various
problem
Use synonyms
 that mankind is facing and
Secondly
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, the causes which
has
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have
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 inflicted
this
Linking Words
 huge
problem
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. Currently in the modern world, one of the biggest
problem
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 humanity is facing is
of
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apply
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food shortage and
this
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 is because there are more
people
Use synonyms
 than the land available. More and more farming lands are being converted
in
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into
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 buildings and structures to create
habitat
Correct article usage
a habitat
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 for the
people
Use synonyms
 to live
.
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in.
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 Other important problems like poverty and loss of employment go hand in hand where for one empty position
their
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there
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 are more than 1000 applicants
moreover
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, nowadays companies are hiring young
people
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 who can work harder and faster than old experience person and guess what they come at
very
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a very
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 cheap price to the institution.
For example
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, In Mumbai when
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Reliance listed the job opening for the position of Director on Linked in, it was seen that more than 25000 candidates applied for it.
On the contrary
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, two major
Use synonyms
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
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 that has contributed most in the increase of the citizens are the lack of education and Climate change. There is
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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 seen in
number
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a number
the number
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 of floods and massive rainfall which has directly affected
to
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apply
show examples
the
people
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 leaving in the rural areas where they depend upon agriculture production for their lively hood and when
employment
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the employment
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of
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apply
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theirs get affected they migrate to cities looking for work.
Other
Change the wording
Another
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 thing is
lot
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a lot
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 of individuals in
village
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the village
a village
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dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 get proper schooling and are deprived of family planning
knowldege
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knowledge
.
For example
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,
Nuclear
Correct article usage
the Nuclear
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 family of
Correct article usage
a country
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country side
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countryside
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 human would consist of 5 to 6
people
Use synonyms
 where he can barely meet the ends. To conclude,
rising
Add an article
the rising
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 public is
major
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a major
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 threat faced by
the
Remove the article
apply
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every nation in
globe
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the globe
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 and which has resulted in numerous other problems and
hence
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 completely agree with the above statement.

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