IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness, but some people believe there are other external factors that influence us. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #happiness #factors #influence
A lot of folks believe that we ourselves are responsible for our own euphoria.
On the other hand
 ,some people argue that outer environmental
factors
 are
also
 needed to stabilize our peace. In my ,opinion we ourselves are only responsible for our own joy.
This
 essay will articulate both the views along with my perception.
To begin
, happiness is the state of our perception which dwells in our soul and mind.
Firstly
 to stay happy, an individual needs a proper level of emotional and mental control. The way we see our
life
 defines how a
person
 will stay happy in his
life
.
For example
, if a
person
 has a positive aspect towards his failures in
life
, he will never get sad, rather he will learn from his mistakes and become more energetic. Self-control is the key to stay happy. According to the research performed at the American psychological institute on human behaviour, a
person
 who always think positive always tend to stay joyful.
However
, those who are prone to negative thoughts always end up resulting in a stressful
life
.
Additionally
, it's our mind who decide whether to get affected by external
factors
 or not. So staying happy is our own choice. ,
Also
 many folks get affected by external
factors
 like job issues, family problems and economical issues etc. As most of the people nowadays living a frenetic
life
, they always get affected by external stress. Because of lagging self-control and an increase in a busy schedule, many people get affected by external matters and end up living a stressful
life
. To end up, staying happy is fully dependent on an individual. A
person
's attitude towards his
life
 defines how he is going to stay joyful. External
factors
 influence only those who don't know how to deal with the menace coming into their
life
.
Submitted by djsayyed98 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: