IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, people now wear western clothes such as suits and jeans rather than traditional clothing. Why is this the case? Is this a positive or negative development?

#countries #people #clothes #suits #jeans #case #development
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There are disputes amongst society that some offspring have a tendency to spend
time
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 too much on
smartphones
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.
This
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 issue emerged from adults' concern that habits can affect
children
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 negatively in their behaviour and daily lives. I do believe that
this
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 could
also
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 have beneficial effects on the
children
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. Some adults, especially
parents
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 have the tendency that
smartphones
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 have negative effects towards
children
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.
According to
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 them,
children
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 with higher screen
time
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 tend to have difficulties in their daily lives,
such
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 as attention span which is disturbed in their focus on study.
For example
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, my niece,
due to
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 his parent's work, spends almost his
time
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 on his
smartphone
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, and when it comes to self-study at home, his
parents
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 find out that he cannot manage to stay focused or even just
to
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apply
show examples
stay reading on one page of his book.
Children
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 with higher
time
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 usage of gadgets sometimes hard to control their emotions. Especially, when they are in an online game battle. They will make random conversations with their opponents which will lead to arguing with each other, they are in a war fight, and sometimes will trigger wild behaviour
such
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 as throwing out or breaking things beside them. Regarding all the negativities, I believe there is a beneficial effect for
children
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 to use
smartphones
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.
Parents
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 are the closest ones to get involved with
this
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, in case to bring positivity to
smartphone
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 utilization towards
children
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.
Parents
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 can control their
children
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's screen
time
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 by using parental control locks on their
smartphones
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 or Wi-Fi.
Parents
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 can
also
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 provide education for
children
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 on how to use their gadgets in a smart way,
such
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 as how to find information about their school homework on the internet using
smartphones
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.
To sum up
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, spending
time
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 using a
smartphone
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 is still needed for
children
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 to look for some entertainment or other knowledge they need.
Nevertheless
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,
parents
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' support in controlling their screen
time
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 and guiding them on how to use a
smartphone
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 is still necessarily needed for kids.
Submitted by e.warikar on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay follows a clear and logical structure by organizing your paragraphs into a clear introduction, body with distinct points, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Avoid the repetition of words or phrases and make use of a variety of conjunctions and cohesive devices to link your ideas and paragraphs together more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively bookend your essay. They should succinctly introduce and summarize your main points, respectively.
task achievement
You must fully address all parts of the task by providing a balanced perspective in your discussion. Ensure you answer the questions in a direct and thorough manner.
task achievement
Clarify and develop your main ideas by expanding on how the points you raise specifically relate to the prompt. Provide more extensive explanations where necessary.
task achievement
Include several relevant, specific examples to support the points you are making. These should directly illustrate the arguments you're presenting and enhance your essay's persuasiveness.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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