The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that the rate of
population
Add an article
the population

The noun phrase population seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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who have obesity problem is increasing, and
this
issue has been a burden to hospitals.
Although
some individuals believe that the most effective method to tackle
this
problem is setting up more physical
lessons
in
teaching
Correct article usage
the teaching

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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syllabus, I think that there are better ways to help
people
stay healthy.
First
of all, I agree that physical education
lessons
are imperative in schools since students can acquire practical skills to boost their body.
For example
, swimming is one of the compulsory
lessons
in China. Students have to pass the examination at the end of the semester.
However
, in my point of view, it much more vital to change
people
's attitudes towards overweight problems and help them nurture an active daily routine than teach them how to stay fit. There are several steps
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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be taken to help
people
be health-conscious and relieve the burden of
health
Add an article
the health

The noun phrase health care system seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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care system.
Firstly
, governments could invest in public training centres to facilitate
people
's regular exercise.
For instance
, it is common in China that every neighbourhood has a free gym for residents to access training
equipments
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equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment

It appears that equipments is an uncountable noun and should not be made plural. Consider changing the noun.

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, like basketball courts and running
mechines
Correct your spelling
machines

The word mechines is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

. Apart from that,
people
are exposed to numerous
fast food
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fast-food

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advertising, which would aggravate the overweight issue. For
this
reason, promoting the benefits of healthy diets on mass media is
also
an
Change the article
a

The article an may be incorrect. Consider changing it to agree with the beginning sound of the following word significant.

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significant method to enhance
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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public awareness of losing weight. In conclusion,
although
sports
lessons
do have positive effects, there are some more efficient ways to address
this
issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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