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Writing Samples
Band 7

The mark of a successful person is to be wealthy and have a successful career. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Some
people
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 believe that being wealthy and having a successful career is the mark of a successful
person
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. I tend to strongly disagree with
this
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 idea. Having extensive monetary means certainly allows for a luxurious 
life
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 , and accumulating professional achievements definitely provides a social status
that is
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 rarely obtained
otherwise
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. Most would argue that luxury and social status are what everyone dreams of
,
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apply
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 and that they are crucial to being able to live a fulfilling
life
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. For
this
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 reason, we can testify
everyday
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every day
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 how many
people
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 are willing to walk the extra mile to become successful, famous and respected.
As a result
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, numerous
people
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 focus their day-to-day on achieving these
,
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apply
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 and leave other aspects of their
life
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 aside. I,
however
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, am of the opinion that money and professional success don’t make someone successful in
life
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. Examples of
people
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 that were wealthy and well regarded in their fields but decided to end their lives after struggling with depression or personal problems are not uncommon.
There’s
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There are
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 many more relevant aspects that form a
person
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 and that are essential to really being successful as an individual and as a part of society. In that sense, the positive impact that someone has
in
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on
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 other
people
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’s lives,
such
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 as family and friends, and the consequences that
this
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 influence creates, are what can decidedly make a
person
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 successful at being human, which is the true measure of success. In conclusion,
although
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 wealth and a successful career can be
mostly
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most
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 beneficial to what a
person
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 can have access to in
life
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, they’re not the mark of success.
On the other hand
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, having a positive influence on others and being able to leave a profound mark is.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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