IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some developing countries, it is difficult to get good teachers to work in rural areas which can have a negative impact on the education of children in those rural communities. Why do you think good teachers do not want to work in rural area in developing countries? What could be done to solve this problem?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, education is slowly becoming a priority for both boys and girls.
However
Linking Words
, it is very hard to get
teachers
Use synonyms
 to teach in rural areas which
are leaving
Wrong verb form
leaves
show examples
 many negative effects on the children who grow up there.  There are several reasons why
teachers
Use synonyms
 refuse to work in poorer areas, but the main reason is that the educators feel a burden to leave their well-paid and comfortable
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in the city to go to rural areas – especially if
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 have to move abroad to developing or less developed
countries
Use synonyms
. Even if someone
decided
Wrong verb form
decides
show examples
 to volunteer to work with the poorer kids, their lifestyle will become tougher, and they might get
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
less
Fix the agreement mistake
low
show examples
 salary compared to their previous jobs, or even none because
people
Use synonyms
 might think of it as a charity from
teachers
Use synonyms
.  There are not many solutions to
this
Linking Words
 problem,
however
Linking Words
, if the other richer
countries
Use synonyms
 start to give aid to the less developed and developing
countries
Use synonyms
, it will increase the condition of their accommodation, schools and streets, attracting more
people
Use synonyms
 to open up and help the children in need.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, even if the
countries
Use synonyms
 have improved surroundings, the mindset of the teacher is more important. Teaching shouldn’t only be a job to earn money and support your own life; you have to be responsible to students who don’t get the privilege of a good education and make the students your first priority.  In conclusion, in
this
Linking Words
 generation, there are
people
Use synonyms
 who only want to earn money and live a continuous comfortable lifestyle.
However
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who are meant to be managing other
people
Use synonyms
’s lives – especially
teachers
Use synonyms
 – have to change their priority from income to the
people
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to clearly develop your main points. Some ideas were introduced but could benefit from further elaboration and examples to provide depth.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of ideas by using linking words and phrases more consistently. This will help in making your argumentation more cohesive.
introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion and outlines the importance of the teaching crisis in rural areas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: